
“I don’t know how else to put this
It’s taken me so long to do this
I’m falling asleep and I can’t see straight
My muscles feel like a melee
My body’s curled in a U-shape
I put on my best, but I’m still afraid”
– Stone Sour, Zzyzx Rd.
DEPRESSION PRESENTED BY SUZANNE DAVIDSON,
LAHOMA OKLAHOMA
Depression
written by Susanne Davidson
Image being stranded in the middle of the ocean. You are tired and weary and long for a drink of water and a bite of food. You see a shoreline and you begin to swim to it, only to find out you can’t reach it. A riptide separates you from safety. Now image seeing a person walking along the shore. You begin to call out but before you can, a giant wave crashes over you and pushes you under. You begin to sink. You call out again but no one can hear you because your lungs are filling up with water as you are repeatedly beaten down by other waves.
All you wanted to do was reach safety but it was physically impossible. The desire and want to reach safety was there but it was impossible.
When you are suffering from depression, that is what it’s like when you want to be happy.
You may have every want and desire to be happy but no matter what you do you can never be… happy.
People that have not struggled with depression don’t know what it’s like. Most people think that depression is just another term used in place of sad. Being sad and depressed are two completely different things.
When you are sad you have an overwhelming feeling of sorrow. You feel the knot that forms in your chest when you hear bad news. You feel your stomach tie itself into knots when your significant other dumps you. If someone were to open you up, a waterfall of tears would come streaming out.
When you suffer from depression you have an overwhelming feeling of… nothing. You are not sad. But you are not happy either. You feel empty. You feel like if someone were to stab you from behind you wouldn’t notice. If someone were to open you up, they would see cobwebs. They could drop a penny in you and then hear it clank once it reached the bottom.

The worst part of being depressed isn’t the numbness, it’s the lies that depression makes you tell yourself. It tells you that your best friend on earth hates you. It tells you that if you were to confide in someone that they wouldn’t care. It tells you that you are the biggest disgrace to ever walk the face of the planet. You might reject these lies for a while but eventually you start to believe them. You start to push people away because you don’t want to be a burden. You start to believe that you are no better than the garbage in the garbage can. You can’t stand to look at yourself in the mirror.
Once you believe the lies, you begin a downward spiral. You lose interest in activities that would normally bring you joy. You disconnect with your friends and family. It’s like walking up to a computer and pulling all the wires and cables out until nothing is connected anymore and you are left with a blank monitor.
I can’t put into words how bad it is to feel absolutely nothing. It’s like you are a cold metal robot that’s doing only what’s programmed. You roll with the punches. You go out and plaster a fake smile on your face so no one will ask what’s wrong because you don’t have the energy to explain. You don’t have the energy because you were up all night staring at the ceiling wondering when the constant numbness would go away. Wondering turns into praying and praying turns into begging. Eventually the begging turns into pleading for just one genuine smile to grace your lips.
The laughs, hugs, and smiles from friends and family hurt. They hurt because you can’t take part in the joy and happiness that they feel. It’s like being stabbed from the inside out with knives. It’s like your body is slowly killing itself. It’s like being ravenously hungry and being sat down at a table with delicious smelling food but then being told you can’t eat it. You can’t eat but everyone else is chowing down. Why can they enjoy their day but you can’t? You begin to lash out because everyone else can partake in the joy and festivities around the table except you. Happiness is right in front of you but you can’t even smell it. You hate them, you hate life, and most of all, you hate yourself for the piece of trash that depression made you believe you are.
Being depressed is like being caught under a car that is slowly crushing you. You might be able to breathe but that is it. Depression makes you a prisoner to your own mind and body. Depression is like a tornado. It tears everything you know and love apart and leaves you with pieces and tragedy in its wake.
The worst thing someone with depression can do is push people away. If someone is willing to listen and give you a shoulder to rest your head on, let them in. Thousands of people suffer from depression and there is a good chance that they may be fighting a similar battle as you. Overcoming depression is a journey that you don’t have to walk alone. We all have hit rock bottom at some point in life. Once you hit the bottom, the only way to go is up. You will fight and struggle to get out of the hole but once reach the top, you will be a stronger person.
Depression has taught me a few things. It has taught me that every day is precious. Every smile, hug, and laugh should never be taken for granted. Never skip out on the chance to hug your best friend. Never skip it out on the chance to say, “I love you” to your honey. It’s the small things in life that make life worth living. Always look for the hidden gems in life because they won’t always be there.
If you are suffering from depression, do not give up. Just know that there is something better once the tornado of depression has diminished. We have to suffer through the storm and then sift through the ruins and debris. We pick up the pieces that are left and carry on. We rebuild with what we have. We rise from the rubble, stronger and better than before.

Your support of The Neighborhood is helpful and beneficial (big smile)
“When your close family member (parent, sibling, cousin) suffers from bipolar disorder, you can’t help but consider the inheritability of the disorder. You’re constantly checking yourself for signs of crazy.” – Marguerite Suzette Rodriguez Sanders
Program Guide
Monday April 4
Noon PST: Addiction presented by Kendall F. Person
6:00pm PST: Depression Suzanne Davidson
Tuesday April 5
Noon: Anorexia presented by Rebecca Lemke
6:00pm PST: Cutting presented by Erin Farris
8:00pm PST: Short Film
Wednesday, April 6
Noon: Poetry Relief Robert Webster
6:00pm PST: PTSD/Suicide –
8:00pm PST: The Depths of Crazy
Thursday, April 7
Noon: Panic Attack presented by Marc Christian
6:00pm PST: Bipolar presented by Brittany Day
8:00pm PST The Depths of Crazy continues
Friday, April 8
Noon: Victim Syndrome/Habitual Lying presented by Kendall F. Person
6:00pm PST Multiple Personalities presented by Robert M. Goldstein
8:00pm PST The Depths of Crazy the conclusion
Saturday April 9
Noon: Mental Health presented by Suzette Sanders
6:00pm PST: Preparation for Day of Celebration
Sunday, April 10
10:00am PST: Our Day of Celebration
thepublicblogger FB Page
A freefall from the highest heights or an average life, is all the same experience, believe it or not. Extreme pain and suffering, self induced or violently enforced, is not the story of all our lives, nor is sipping champagne in the South Pacific on our fully staffed yacht. But on either extreme or somewhere in between, mental health affects us all. We exist together, connected by neighborhoods and greater societies, and often judge from afar, at what is crazy to us, never understanding they were not really bad, but did not recognize, they were going nuts, and help was to be had.
As individuals, each and every man and woman, must ultimately live and die based upon our own choices, most good, some bad. But how often do we make the connection, that by nourishing our mental health, the scales may tip, avoiding disaster.
⊕⊕⊕⊕⊕
The Neighborhood’s Mental Health Awareness is a series of presentations, shared by the lives that live them. Mental Health is such an umbrella term, that many may not realize, why we do the things we do or feel a certain way. And while it is a goal to teach and entertain, the mission is for everyone to know….. You are not alone.
– Kendall F. Person, thepublicblogger
Mental Health Awareness Topics
For three straight years, The Neighborhood has entertained an underground audience with originality, imagination and a social conscience, that has attracted readers, thinkers, writers and artists – by the thousands – to take part in a mini-revolution within collaborations of knowledge & the arts. Built on an all-inclusive foundation of respect, delivered under the spotlight of ‘the underground’s biggest stage’ in breathtaking performances, found nowhere else. Scores of writers, visual artists, animators, short film makers, recording artists and volunteers have shared their beautiful work and valued time, in exchange for being a part of something different, a part of history (hence, the paper trail) – big or small.
An On & Off Stage Destination
#TAG: a 9-edition Anthology on Leadership & Authority, a very serious topic and mission, but The Neighborhood’s creator – would find a way to make it artistic and fun. And he, along with 9 other contributors, would do so in a literal game of tag.
Personal stories would also find a home.Stories of inspiration, like the ones told in Family, and stories of desperation, like the one lived in When the Abuse Stops, The Neighborhood would become a safe place for everyone to feel at home. Told via poetry, essays, editorials and short stories, accompanied by the visuals of talented artists and the wonderful songs of underground singers and musicians, no subject matter was off-limits or taboo, without flinching from the subjects’ biting reality, nor fused with biased or intentional offense. But it was the gift and brilliance of the writing, found in places like Vantage Point and inside thepublicblogger’s Short Story Vault with titles like Race, The Problem with Gay and The Right to Life (to name a few) that so beautifully demonstrate, how thought-entertainment, could start a dialogue on finding real life solutions.
(video) Family A Video Poem
“The Neighborhood is more than a blog, it is a community.” – Robert M. Goldstein
Bridge of Influence
When Person declared August 15th as ‘Our Day Peace’, its success would solidify, it had become a movement, without feeling like one, as no singular demographic could define it and claim it as its own. Peace Day would spill over into social media, specifically Facebook, and establish an equal but different image of itself via thepublicblogger Facebook Page. It would also begin to show an influence. When Peace Signs Up by Carlethal feat. Bridgette Cooper was selected as the Official Theme Song, the one-year old video had less than 2500 views. In less than a month, its number of views would skyrocket, rising to more than 70,000.
The Lives We Live became a turning point. The very first reality show within social media & a blog, would raise the profile via the FB Page, offering an entirely new and bigger audience. But it proved to be a different audience, as well. Thepublicblogger had become quietly known for its captivating writing and inspirational prose, so in effect, its relative but very visible growth, had created two distinct ‘divisions’ the entertainment of The Shows versus the knowledge exchange of the writings.
(video) The Lives We Live very 1st social media/blog based Reality show
The Game Changer
By perfecting the template from Lives, putting a new spin on thepublicblogger Awards and engaging the diverse group of artists, that had become an integral part of The Neighborhood shows, Person would develop A Star is Born, and produce it with the drama and excitement of a Hollywood-industry event. It would engulf both neighborhoods, and it became clear that many of the most loyal and long-term neighbors of the blog and readers not engaged via the FB neighborhood, were coming back for the literature and mixes of art, not the Shows. Person would be faithful to them as well, continuing to deliver articles, but it would take an around the clock effort, to keep the house of cards from falling.
The 3-month hiatus, was meant to start attracting sponsors & donations and begin developing from the business end. The new frontier was not for Person’s own benefit, although most of us would like to live comfortably and earn our living, while making our contribution, within our passion, but because, The Neighborhood had reached its limit on how much assistance it could be to the artists and how high it could soar, without a flow of revenue. Plain and simple. But Person was already the marketing and video department; concepts & production, recruitment & engagement, writer & editor, and a bridge builder in peace and respect. And wearing another hat – of such detailed importance – was never going to work, and part of him knew that from the start.
(video) #OneWorld: The Neighborhood’s Social Conscious
The Neighborhood was built as a collaborative, a win/win partnership where artists showcase their work to a larger audience (a few came to study and others, simply to hangout). Over 50 artists worked on A Star is Born, in some cases, giving it everything they had, even at the expense of their own personal or professional identities. When the show ended, each had their own dreams, that required attending and pursing. But it also meant, an entirely new team of artists had to be recruited or discovered (the newly minted art director Robert M. Goldstein was off to a great start) And Person would need time to not just establish his own identity as a writer, but also, the readers and fans of his novels, have waited 20 years for the 4th & final book, he has promised to write.
(video) #TAG feat. the theme song from Mr. Rogers’s Neighborhood
Reality Check
A tall order and only 3 months, in which to fill it. But his imagination would not stop, giving rise to The MIND + GAME Show, a groundbreaking new venture – postponed not cancelled – would rev up the engines, forcing an error of judgement, by still thinking with the left side of the brain (oh how we love to create), when the right side is currently needed.
In 3 years, as thepublicblogger: Producer, creator, and public identity as the online address and FB & Twitter Pages, and as The Neighborhood: Host of the shows, director of the artists and leader of the movement, and as Kendall F. Person: writer & editor, thinker and head of an organization’, it would become the first time, the trio were at odds,. The internal ripple effect, would collide with the unbending parameters of time, resulting in a reality check and halting the fall of the house of cards.
“The Neighborhood is the home of creativity! Truly, I’m humbled and honored to be on this list with so many talented artists and all around good people! I appreciate the opportunities, interaction and support.” – Kelly Lewis, Los Angeles
And so, back to work we go. Mental Health Week, The MIND + GAME Show , A Star is Born 2016 and so much more.
— Kendall F. Person, thepublicblogger & The Neighborhood (Host)
*cover the Proscenium Stage at Teatro Olimpico in Vicenza Italy
The MIND + GAME Show – a quest of knowledge & discovery, in a game of elimination – has been postponed. Thank you for the early interest, which has come in abundance. It is for this reason, the show has been delayed: To assure the installation of the most competitive & intriguing Players, and to deliver the most amazing quest & discoveries, and to execute via upgrades in our technology, and ultimately, to provide original, exciting and audience-engaging online entertainment, within social media and the blogosphere. .
Your patience and understanding is appreciated very much.
— thepublicblogger, thepublicblogger FB Page, themindgameshow.com
*cover Student Handouts
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