The Moral Compass of Making Love versus Sex for Sport

Sensual and beautiful;

Sex without love is a meaningless experience,
but as far as meaningless experiences go
its pretty damn good.– Woody Allen

∞∞∞

from 1981, Do Me Baby
by Prince

∞∞∞

 

The Moral Compass of Making Love Versus Sex for Sport
written & edited by Kendall F. Person
The loving couple jumped the broom, turned and faced their guests and were soon pronounced husband and wife (and where same sex unions are legal and recognized, an identical ritual applies). They laughed among friends and cried in the embrace of their family. Today was the happiest day of their life and the first day that they would spend the rest of eternity together. They were toasted by the best man and maid of honor, they danced together under the spotlight and when he carried her off, they made love under the moonlight.

Nieshy Nash

Television Star and the absolutely stunning Niecy Nash

Years later, they had still loved only one another, but to keep the flame alive, they began games of role play underneath the covers. She would dress as a french maid and he would sometimes play the role of sex slave. They would laugh and giggle after the explosion, and fall asleep deep in one another’s arms. They experimented with swinging, exchanging partners with other loving couples, all certified and tested, clean of all diseases. But no matter the feelings of ecstasy they found in the arms of another, no one could take the place of their one and only lover.

The idea of sexual relations is so varied among religions that it is virtually impossible to include an acceptable analogy under one cover. Even the concept of adultery is difficult to ponder, when some cultures allow for more than one wife, where in others, this is strictly forbidden. In most religions, all are called upon to obey the law of the land, but some laws, even for a loving homosexual relationship, calls upon death. Some churches believe that even sex among heterosexuals, is only for procreation. So would either of these categories fit, or is it sex simply for nature?

 

In the Cabin

In the Cabin by Mean Shadows

Using animal kingdom as a guide? Good luck. The most elegant of big cats, the cheetah, is a promiscuous lot, and have no idea who their baby daddy could be. The emperor penguin, however, mates for life, but even in their traditional courtship, it is the father that gives its life to protect the egg, the beginning of life. Hyenas are a matricidal clan, who not only relegate the males to second class citizens and to live as a separate bunch, but produce so much testosterone, their sex organs resemble and are as big as the male counterpart.  Bull elephants enter into a blind rage, mounting anything in their path to satisfy their natural urge.

The collegiate, passed the stage of peer pressure as a resort, has moved into age of experimentation, where many view sex as a sport. But even then, wrapped in the arms of embrace, there is a sense of love during the ritual of sex. A mother who engages in sex for pay, no other option to feed her kids. A lonely man who entertains himself, there are those who believe, that self-gratification is a sin and a segway to hell.

 

Sunset Silhouette Kiss

Sunset Silhouette Kiss by Alejandra Quiroz

In the end, the practice of consensual sex among adults is prone to individual feelings and emotions based on beliefs, education, upbringing and ultimately whether sex should be as sedate as love making between two married, hetersexual adults simply to procreate, or an outlet of expression, a release of energy and a personal choice?. The moral compass of making love versus sex for sport comes down to one very real thing: how do we feel when the act is over. Are we ashamed of what we did? Can we not look in the mirror at ourselves and do we want our partner, whom we have just shared our most intimate being, to stay around or simply disappear.

this is … The Neighborhood 


 

 

92 Comments on “The Moral Compass of Making Love versus Sex for Sport

  1. Kendall – first I have to stay that I have only just joined the world of blogging and to have someone as creative and spectacular as you follow my blog left me feeling very humbled. I saw your follow a few days ago and I visited The Neighborhood, in particular, your house. I sat in different chairs, walking around (my metaphor for the posts you have published) I knew that I was blessed and that I had to take my time and comment only when I had taken some of your performances in. To be part of a community like The Neighborhood is exactly why I started telling my stories, exactly why I came here. You are one of the signs that I made the right choice. Thank you for following me, mainly because if you hadn’t it may have taken a longer time for me to find you. The post above was a wonderful read and the freedom and openness of your thoughts are so clear to me. I am sending you good vibes, light and love.

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    • Juliana – It is a rare occasion indeed when I am left speechless. Thank you for the beautiful, warm and inspiring voice you have left. I wish you the best on your journey through your blogging and welcome to the neighborhood. You are needed here.

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  2. Nice article, I believe whatever the circumstances that led to the round of s*x is what determines what its meant for. Married couples feel loved, a prostitute feels “just pay my money after 2 rounds” 😀
    Kendall, thanks for following my blog http://www.afronotion.wordpress.com hope the fun of blogging will be a nice one between us.

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  3. I came across your blog because you were the first to follow mine. While I’m just in the learning stages and starting my first blog it was great to have you visit mine. I’m so impressed with what you do here and absolutely love the art! You are an inspiration to other bloggers. I will definitely keep watching you.

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  4. As a new blogger, I find myself questioning, “What subjects are off limits?” in other words, which ones will push readers away? In the short time since I’ve come to the neighborhood (love that), I’ve read some articles which some may consider “risky”. Mental illness? Sex? I mean, ya just never know how certain topics will be received, but your style of writing invites readers from different worlds to come together and enjoy the ride!

    This is a FANTASTIC, non-preachy article about a subject that everybody has an opinion on! Loved the way you ended it, with a simple, yet powerful question prompting self-examination!

    Anyway, thank you for the example you set! When I joined the blogging world, I didn’t expect to quickly meet such a mentor (in blogging and in life!)

    Blessings to you, Kendall!

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    • Shawny Lou – Every now and again, a neighbor’s voice leaves me speechless and my eyes fill with tears. While I have always considered myself a performer at heart, I have great respect for this platform that I have been given, and for the people who share and who listen. It is always my intent to deliver thought-provoking entertainment, and your kind, beautiful words add confirmation The Neighborhood is hitting its mark. You are appreciated. So glad you made it to the neighborhood. – KP

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  5. Thanks for the follow. I really liked this article. It kind of plays into what I do (erotic romance novel author). Humans are a complicated lot. As much as some would like to separate the two, sex and love are very much intertwined. At the very least, some sort of real, deep emotion is. Even in the case of those who take part in the sex trade. Could be greed, desperation, loneliness, low self-esteem.. whatever it is, it’s real and primal.

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  6. “How do we feel when the act is over…?” Yes I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I would like to think that any time I participate in a sexual act, all parties involved feel good about it when the act is over. If some one does not, then there is some work to be done. Open relationship or not, my husband and I share the goal that we are not just penetrating this life, we are making love to it – and the way we do one thing is the way we do everything. Thanks for following my blog.

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  7. Great post. Wish I would have thought of something like this for one of my college paper topics in college. Open eyes and maybe get an A!!!! LOL

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  8. This was quite a lovely post. I agree that if sex were merely a physical act (“not a big deal”) there wouldn’t be so much controversy surrounding it. In and of itself, sex it a physical act, characterized by mechanical, bodily functions. That doesn’t mean that it can’t be romanticized. Even in its purely biological definition, endorphins play a big role in the act. Endorphins, a scientific substance that is completely rational in the eyes of science is linked to emotion (euphoria, tranquility).

    Obeying the laws of the land is a doctrine or concept that is present in many religions. How does one define a “law” of the land. Do laws also mean mores, taboos and norms. While not written, they are standards of a culture or “of the land.” How many laws were written based on norms of society. Think of “blue laws.”

    Thank you for following my blog. I’m glad I found your site.

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  9. i am glad i found this site, i wonder why the people should think the concept of law is against freedom, is ironic most of the times, but if the rules were perfectly match, they could be fine for a utopia world, the maths and the biology have their rules and is because of that they exist as we know them.

    i love the last paragraph of your post, pretty nice!

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  10. I have a series of books about utopia.

    In my opinion, a utopia needs three things to be successful: no material needs, a health system which assures wellbeing for everybody and personal freedom.

    In my series ‘living dangerously in utopia’ these conditions are met as follows:

    • There are no material needs and everybody receives a generous stipend called ‘Basic Income.’ That is, until conditions of extreme abundance make it more convenient to provide everything for free.

    • Youthfulness and as a consequence, very good health, is provided by a biological implant that I call iMed.

    • Personal Freedom is enhanced by a lack of sexual taboos.

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  11. Reblogged this on Louise and commented:
    1. If animals could talk they’d probably tell us to mind our own damn business, cease chatting rubbish and to stop comparing ourselves with them; they’d probably also have an opinion on what they KNOW we do – based on the filth their eyes have seen.
    2. I think Woody Allen actually meant: Sex without love is a meaningless experience,
    but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good when you have it with the child you and your wife adopted.
    3.I think swapping sexual partners is a grotesque act – it involves the swapping of and mingling of bodily fluids – regardless of how clean one claims to be. There is nothing clean about it and there is nothing loving about the couples that do it. If anything it is a sign of severe selfishness and internal/emotional damage. We all deal with selfishness, it’s in our nature – we can choose to accept or deny we are selfish but it is a fact that we are. If we want to emotionally develop then we should accept that EVERYONE is selfish as a statement of fact. The next step is how we choose to behave following that accepted fact.
    4. In my opinion – Human Beings have sex in the first instance and each decision has nothing to do with love – however, it has everything to do with the motives we deploy that go alongside our behaviour in relationships every single day. There is much to be said about how loving we are in the way we have sex though. Maybe the question rather…should be: How do you roleplay the sport of sex?
    5. Me personally – I am completely demi-sexual. I can’t have sex with someone unless they are intellectually engaging me – otherwise I’d be faking every single reaction from start to finish.

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  12. Pingback: Women’s Day | nowstuffnow

  13. Yep ! It’s pretty damn good alright !….hehe.

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  14. Wow! Something I’ve given much thought but never could have articulated so well Sir. I do believe that if you can look yourself in the mirror and feel clean after sex as the sporting act, then all is well. However, it can be an issue when the other person doesn’t feel the same – they don’t say it, but you sense it… uncomfortable.

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  15. When I was 17, my parents told me something that stuck with me – “There is a huge difference between having sex and making love”.

    I think that’s what kept me from just hopping into bed with the guys I went out with. When I met “the one” (who is now my husband), I knew why I had waited. Thirty-five years later, we are still each other’s “one and only” – old-fashioned, I know, but it breaks my heart to think that people these days don’t see that as the norm any more.

    It’s a special thing to have something that just the two of you will ever share – no one else in the world can say, “I hit that”.

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  16. I believe we have all become much too lackadaisical about everything in our lives. Sex vs. making love seems to have become too casual, as have our speech, attire, manners, our lives. Movies have at once glorified and devalued this act. I believe sex shouldn’t be a mystery, but should at least have meaning.

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  17. sport is good when two teams come to play! love is also a two-way street. as this article clearly states, it is not for me to judge other’s behavior, but it is a good idea to reflect upon our own. how we feel when the act is over is probably the only compass that works!

    for some of us it may take years to become aware, others are aware in the moment…

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  18. I’m off a mind, being married for 34 years that sex for love should be sex for sport also because once you stop thinking that way then, well everything stops. I mean, you should be having fun, first and foremost. The deep connection will follow. Once we as men stop looking at our wives as anything less than the finest most sensuous woman in the world, the one we want to see in all those clingy things, then that’s the moment we start losing our handle on our relationship. I still think of my wife as “my girl”, my ride-or-die girl. And after all these years, she still still moves me. If you don’t have that, nobody’s happy. So, to me, it has to be both.

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  19. This post brings to mind several things: the poem “Sex Without Love” by Sharon Olds, the walking marriages of the Na (also called the Mosuo), and the high correlation between sexual dimorphism and sexual selection in primates. Male gorillas and orangutans, which essentially have harems, are 1.5x and 2.0x larger than females, respectively; chimpanzees, where an alpha male and a small group of his supporters have almost exclusive access to females, and are 1.3x larger than females; and gibbons, which are socially, but not reproductively, monogamous, with males only being 1.02x larger than females. Human males are 1.1x larger than human females. I’ll let you come to your own conclusions. Great post!

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  20. Sex is different for everyone and if you’re going to sleep with someone then I think it’s important that each participant knows where they stand, no one wants to be lead under false pretences. – great post though, I like the fact it’s not biased and looks at all angles 🙂

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  21. Tell you what’s weird, being completely indifferent to it. Sex that is.

    Ever since starting certain medication it has just fallen off my radar into the pit of “Shit I’ll do if I get round to it but never will”.

    It’s weird because that’s not my normal viewpoint on the matter at all. I likes getting laid, but now I just kinda don’t care about it and I’m worried that eventually I’ll just grow to not miss it at all.

    THE HORROR!

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  22. Provocative title, but the articles conclusion feels a little unconvinced to me. I am not sure that an if-you’re-okay-with-it is going to hold up to the the rhetorically, and (theo-)logically well thought-out arguments of the reactionary conservative camp(s). If you were intending to break a lance for “sex” as a common, and legitimate form of human interaction, rather than something otherworldly, and strangely unique that needs to be painstakingly controlled, it is perilous if the reader comes away with the sense you are wavering on this unfortunately highly contentious, but relatively irrelevant (non-)issue.

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  23. Making love can be a wonderful experience that can touch to the very depths of one’s soul. It goes beyond just a physical connection. Sex, however, even for sport can be a matter of following an impulse to satisfy what the mind thinks it wants or the hormones believe it should have.

    In addition, sex can be a self-esteem builder for some. The more women bedded the more manly or the more men that approach the more attractive she may be. All in all, I believe sex was meant for procreation as well as to form a deeper, intimate relationship with someone like no other. One of the unfortunate things is that society dictates sex and its meaning very differently.

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  24. Pingback: The Moral Compass of Making Love versus Sex for Sport | Viv 'd BIG Dreamer

  25. You say sex has an element of love… you forget sex is also used as an act of violence or power over someone else. Even sex for “sport” I believe can be completely loveless. People can fake affections and tenderness.

    I see the question is “Are we ashamed of what we did?”

    Or worse, you don’t feel shame when you should have. Or you felt shame when you shouldn’t have. And thats where it gets sticky for the multitude of things you mentioned that dictate our views on sex. But maybe our opinions on sex are really our confessions about our views on people or gender as a whole.

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    • I’m glad you brought up the topic of sex as an act of violence, as I am a recent victim of sexual assault. I honestly wasn’t thinking of that element when writing my first comment, oddly enough. In fact, it wasn’t until after my assault that I decided to have sex in the first place. Maybe it was that act of violence that caused me to no longer believe that love has to be involved in sex. It can definitely be used to hurt, but I have reclaimed my sexuality for what I want it to be and not what was forced upon me. I still don’t know about right and wrong, and I don’t suppose I will until I meet my Maker, but I almost feel like sex is something that has to be part of my life now so that it doesn’t become something I fear, something that will always seem aggressive and meant to cause harm.

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      • Wow, that’s so insightful. I do have similar ideas about sex, that culturally we kind of make it something to be used as a weapon since it’s seen as shameful and bad (like a lot of natural things). I would’ve just “liked” your comment, but there’s no “like” button.

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  26. I passed the days of adolescent experimentation as a virgin. I was adamant that I was going to wait to have sex until I was married. I fell in love and thought I would marry my boyfriend, and he and I still decided to wait. After he broke my heart, I decided that waiting wasn’t worth it anymore. I decided I wanted sexual gratification, and so I gave up my virginity to someone that I wasn’t in love with, someone I’ll never even date. He is a friend I’ve known for nearly half of my life, and our decision to have sex was purely for the enjoyment of it. He has been promiscuous in his past, but I have no intention of being like that. I won’t have sex with just anyone, but I also don’t just feel like I’m being used or just using him. We are close friends who also have sex sometimes. There is, I suppose, the love shared between friends, but we don’t have romantic feelings for each other at all. Is that morally wrong? I was brought up to believe it is, but I have felt no shame, no regret in making that decision. If that means I’m going to Hell, well, I assume there are far worse things I’ve done that would send me there than having sex.

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      • I am a Christian woman, and I believe in repentance and forgiveness. However, I believe that we have to truly feel the shame and remorse for our sins in order to be forgiven by God. I believe that He does not forgive those who do not sincerely want that forgiveness. When it comes to sex, I don’t feel remorse, don’t feel like I’ve done anything that needs forgiving. I don’t know if that is right or wrong, but it’s the opinion I hold (at least right now). Therefore, if when I die, it turns out that having sex outside of marriage, outside of a loving, committed relationship, is truly a sin, then my lack of remorse will lead me to an eternity in Hell. I suppose there is the topic of Purgatory, but that’s something I haven’t even fully formed an opinion on, so I’m not sure I can make comments or judgment on that topic.

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        • Hmm..okay. You are right about repentance and forgiveness, but I also believe that Christ paid for our sins(past,present&future) & all we got to do is receive His forgiveness…feeling remorseful is quite helpful for us, not God…we don’t have to deserve His forgiveness since it’s a gift. I think Hebrews 13:4 will help answer the question of whether or not sex outside marriage is a sin. You are deeply loved, highly valued & always accepted by God.

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  27. Sex for sport is to be a user and a taker. She may as well be a blow up doll. I went through that in my twenties keeping the girl’s panties as sort of a sleazy trophy of sorts. One day I was looking at my panty collection of about 50 pairs representing 50 girls and I realized that I could not remember which girl went with which panties, I realized that I was a sleaze bag taking advantage of women’s desire to be loved and I all I cared about was using her thinking that I I was a stud. What I realized was in reality I was just a jerk, a user and taker and never ever went back to that lifestyle. Just saying.

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    • Just saying, thank you for adding your voice filled and sharing your story of who you were and who you are. While I may deliver a topic, it is here where real life experiences are heard, lessons are taught and learned and wisdom is shared.

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    • I remember being 16 and having a relationship with a guy my fathers age (in secret of course) and he wanted a pair of my underwear. I think about that now and I think he’s sick. I have mixed feelings towards him because we had a “relationship” for so long. Yes, I feel like I was used back then. I don’t mind talking about it now, I couldn’t for a while. I’m actually writing about it to help others. Yes, users and takers.

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      • The Neighborhood has become a place where people are not only comfortable but feel safe. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I hope it works as a release or therapy for you and I know it will help others whom may have had similar experiences or emotions. Welcome to The Neighborhood. So glad you are here.

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