ADDICTION

  Posted on by Kendall Fredrick Person

  166 Comments

Addiction

 

 

There’s something inside me
That pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear
Is never ending, controlling
– Crawling by Linkin Park

∞∞∞

the late Amy Winehouse
w/ Back to Black

∞∞∞

LONG LIVE LINKIN PARK

In the year 2000, a young singer named Chester Bennington – as front man of Linkin Park – would redefine the rebel yell. Hybrid Theory was, in a word, spectacular. If The Beastie Boys are credited with rap crossing over to a young white audience, then Linkin Park would bridge the gap between hip hop, rock and grudge; a trifecta that sent their debut album into orbit with over 11 million copies sold in the United States alone. And while it was the rapper that made them hip and the beat that made them original, it was the primal scream of Chester Bennington that pierced the soul.

But like so many of the best – Whitney Houston, Kurt Cobain, Phyllis Hyman, Amy Winehouse… – his story would end the same: suicide fueled by depression and addiction to drugs.

Chester Bennington

Chester Bennington March 20, 1976 – July 20, 2017 RIP

∞∞∞

ADDICTION

by Kendall F. Person

KIMShe made international headlines for a very different reason. The lines were drawn in the sand and a fight for her life became the cause celeb. On June 26, 2013, at 52 years of age, at 6:37 p.m. Kimberly LaGayle McCarthy was pronounced dead. She became the state of Texas’ 500th member of death row to be executed, done so by lethal injection. And with her final words – This is not a loss. This is a win. You know where I’m going. I’m going home to be with Jesus. Keep the faith. I love you all – it was lights out. The 13th woman to be executed by the government in American history is worth noting, but regardless of which side of the line on capital punishment we stand, the more important issue was lost: how she got there in the first place.

Hers was drugs, but addiction comes in many forms. It is a clever beast, that sneaks into our lives, and brings hell with it. Ms. McCarthy, a beautiful and by most accounts (although information about her young life has been challenging to locate),  lived  a normal life. She was married and gave birth to what would be her only child. She was employed as an occupational therapist, and had no long criminal history. Sometimes referred to as an inner tiger, addictions start slow, but rather they take months or years, the tiger always grows.  And on July 27, 1997, there was little of Kimberly left.

On that day, Kimberly McCarthy had only one thing on her mind, to feed her addiction. She telephoned her neighbor, college psychology professor Dorothy Booth, under the guise of borrowing sugar. When Ms. Booth answered her door, the tigress stabbed her five times with a butcher knife, and savagely beat her to death. She cut off her victims finger,  to access her ring, stole her money, her credits cards, brazenly jumped into her now stolen car, and gave no further thought  of the life she took inside. I imagine, that even as she smashed the solid steel candle holder, repeatedly against 71-year-old Dorothy Booth’s head, somewhere inside was the real Kimberly LaGayle McCarthy, the mother, the daughter, the member of society. But the addiction had overpowered her and she was unwilling or unable to fight. So she gave into the tiger, jumped into the car,  threw it in drive, and with no further consideration….sped directly to the drug spot.

∞∞∞

 

When at the end of the road we find
that we can no longer function as a human being
…we all face the same dilemma. What is there left to do?
– We Do Recover

∞∞∞

THE FIGHTER STILL REMAINS
by iamzg

The Fighter Still remainsAddiction is a game of inches.

My father was addicted to the bottle. That’s why he walked out on us when I was two years old and the reason we had no contact for twenty years. I know today it’s the reason he called me drunk at two am shortly after my first son was born to tell me that I wasn’t a man. A few more inches of trying and maybe we could’ve had a relationship.

I’ve hit more bottoms more times in my life, than I like to admit, but those misses made me who I am today. One moment too soon or too late, and I may have missed out on grace.

The funny thing is you couldn’t have told me that I had a problem with any of my addictions. I wasn’t a junkie. Junkies come from junkie families and have meth mouth and take out a second mortgage. I was from a good family, my parents loved me and I could quit whenever I wanted. Even though I crossed every boundary I ever set, I wasn’t a junkie.

That’s the biggest lie of addiction.

As your reach lower and lower into the abyss of addiction you continue to seek out people worse off than you,  so you can look at them and say, “See, I’m not THAT bad.” Always a few inches ahead of the game. But the truth is, water seeks its own level.

You cannot accurately describe hitting bottom to someone who has not experienced it. It’s not like the movies. There is nothing beautiful about it because there’s no soundman or director or musical score to make it seem poetic. It’s nasty and ugly. When you wake up to the fact that your drug no longer works, you are suddenly the last man on Earth. There is no real connection to others. It is truly inches from death.

Addiction – be it alcohol, crack or blackjack – is not at all about the drug. It’s about reaching emptiness. Selling your morals for that next fix, leaves you spiritually hollow; and feeling like a gale force wind is blowing through the hole in your soul.

If there is an addict in your life, do not give up on them. There is always hope. I was strung out by seventeen years old. I was spared years of torture and suffering because people didn’t give up on me. There was always someone there to give me a hug or tell me they loved me. Often this was what kept me going.

You never know when that addict in your life may need your hope, because they have none of their own, always leaving them inches away from giving up.

And if you are an addict and you happen to be in The Neighborhood, don’t give up on yourself, and whatever you do, do not ignore your moment of clarity, because that moment may be your miracle happening.

∞∞∞

from Toronto Canada – Choir! Choir! Choir!
with I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

∞∞∞

Kendall

When I was pulled from the American River, I awoke the next day in a hospital bed surrounded by my family and close friends.  When my eyes opened, all I could see was the pain and relief in their beautiful faces, that only hours before, I thought I would never see. I had not stolen from anyone. It was my gold I plundered, but  that offered no consolation, for upon seeing their faces I realized,  addiction is not a victim-less crime.  It is selfish and destructive. It is wasteful and disrespectful. It is meaningless and it is ruinous. But for many, it becomes a part of  life. I cannot erase those empty years, nor can I have them back. But I became a different person, even far removed from the me-first youngster.

I cannot offer a hard luck story, for I grew up with a loving mother, and both sides of my bloodline, stand wise, spiritual, and strong. My schools, my friends and my sands were rock solid. My jobs were fulfilling, my vacations were joyous occasions.  And my early career as a writer, had been supported and given a grand send-off.  Why would I give up such a beautiful life in exchange for the pain that addiction would bring, I may never know. But what I do understand, is I have no one to blame but myself.

Addiction does not give a damn about me or Whitney or Amy or Heath or the nameless addict, who panhandles on the street. It will never be your friend and it will never be satisfied. And if by the grace of God you survive, the precious gift of noticing the blue sky, becomes intensified, and the meaning of your life becomes glorified and the fire to lend a hand, becomes magnified, and the knowledge you acquired, you cannot hold inside, and you recognize your gift of words, do not belong to you, so you share outside,  and the mission to spread peace shifts into overdrive, and the value of life becomes rarefied, and the desire to meet the world is mesmerizing, and the energy received from those you meet, is electrifying, and the idea I may inspire, is gratifying, and the meaning of my life, materializes and comprehending those years were not lost, if my addiction can save a life.

LONG LIVE THE FIGHT FOR SOBRIETY.

– Kendall F. Person
The Neighborhood. society online’s creative conscious 

Gamblers Anonymous                        Narcotics Anonymous                   Alcoholics Anonymous

 All About Addiction, Medical News Today           Guide to Quit Smoking, American Cancer Society

Al-Anon, Family Groups

 

 Category: Mental Health Week, Op/Ed      Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

166 Comments on “ADDICTION”

  1. Pingback: One boy’s addiction…. | having the time of my midlife

  2. Thank you for your visit and for following sir. I’m still thinking how you found my blog, let alone following. I appreciate it.
    And there is so much to read here. I read this one because I’m slowly quitting now. It’s been a few months. I’m sure this Article will help a lot of people because these are not mere pro n cons. These are real and moving stories.

    – Baba

    Like

    • I am so proud of you. Be strong and don’t give up, even if you want to. The road to recovery is steeped in obstacles and is one of the toughest things you will ever have to do. But you are not alone. And please know that you never will be. Welcome to the neighborhood. So glad you made it.

      Like

  3. Thank you for your follow; and when i came to check you out, I feel God. I have spent most of my life in/with/around/running/working in addiction. Have been to way too many funerals, and have skipped going to just as many. Your words are a gift, your message is real and from the heart. That is what will make the difference. Write on! I like your neighborhood!

    Like

    • Thank you for adding such a warm, beautiful and sincere voice to this forum. I am so humbled and yet inspired when I learn that my words and my story have touch a life like yours. Welcome to the neighborhood. So glad you are here.

      Like

  4. Pingback: Our Featured Presentation: Addiction | Addictive Process

  5. Wow! What a powerful, thought-provoking post! Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us. And thank you for following The Human Moxie! 🙂 I appreciate your support! Looking forward to reading more from you! 🙂 – JC

    Like

  6. Pingback: Our Featured Presentation: Addiction | Accept all the Things

  7. I am really glad you found me today. That last paragraph brought chills… I only hope to find that fire you talk about, with time. Thank you for your words.

    Like

  8. That you for following my blog, and for your wonderful article on addiction. Clearly, you are helping many people who had had similar experiences.

    Like

    • I am both humbled and inspired by the safety others feel within The Neighborhood and this forum in particularly. I find comfort in knowing so many have found comfort in my words. Welcome to the neighborhood. So glad you are here.

      Like

  10. I just found this, but I have to say I thank you for an amazing post. My life has been affected by both sides of addiction, knowing those addicted and those who suffer at the hands of one. Senseless prohibitions on drugs drive the prices up and deny access and thereby contribute to the violence and property crime.

    A family member who is recovering, a friend who was robbed and beaten severely, a grandchild who loses a grandmother murdered by an addict – all are losers because we cannot rise above dictatorial handling of this problem.

    “You won’t use that drug because I said so!” – how’s that working so far?

    Like

  11. My mother just lost her battle with addiction in November. It was a thirty year battle. Cardiac Arrest while sleeping at age 51. My memories of the “real” her are what I keep in my heart. Truly a beautiful woman, the life of any party who kept everyone laughing, and put no one beneath her. Addicts are real people. Thanks for displaying that here. You are blessed.

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    • i am very sorry about your loss and thank you for painting the beautiful word picture of your Mother. That is how she should be remembered, for the warmth she gave in life. Welcome to the neighborhood. you are appreciated.

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  12. Dear Kendall,
    Thank you for following my blog — and for sharing something so personal. I have a close sibling whose addictions include alcohol, but he’s been sober 18 years and counting. I feel such addiction runs on both sides of our family and its effects can include a simmering yet lethal anger, the kind that causes a father to lash out at his children and a mother to lock herself away emotionally. I am grateful for awareness and compassion and grateful also to know someone who’s three months into recovery from heroin. He’s a brilliant person and I really do feel each one of us here has the responsibility to make space in this world for our own brilliance — and that of others, so that people may truly feel how blessed we all are just to be here. So, thank you, Kendall, for helping to make and hold that sort of space for yourself and for others! Leigh

    Like

  13. I’m grateful I got to hear this uplifting choir today. It blessed me.

    Like

  15. Hello Kendall! Many thanks for popping by and for Following my blog. Much appreciated. Your site is truly impressive. For one to experience illness, be it physical, mental or emotional, and to come out the other side and then to share that story takes courage, skill, and a special kind of person. Best to you. R

    Like

    • I am only as special as neighbors like yourself who understand life happens. The courage to share did not come overnight or all at once. It was nourished, encouraged and supported by friends, families and this Neighborhood which, is filled with peace and love. Life happens. And my hope is that we learn from sharing our journeys and all becoming better for it. Thank you for adding your sincere, kind and motivating voice. You are appreciated. And welcome to the neighborhood. So glad you are here.

      Like

  17. It means so much that you’re my first follower, this is a great article. Though you’re background means you did not experience this, your amazing insight understands this subject so well! Amazing write up.

    Like

    • What in his back ground suggests he didn’t experience this? You should check my back ground it’s screwed up and yet here i stand today.

      Like

      • “I cannot offer a hard luck story, for I grew up with a loving mother, and both sides of my bloodline, stand wise, spiritual, and strong. My schools, my friends and my sands were rock solid. My jobs were fulfilling, my vacations were joyous occasions. And my early career as a writer, had been supported and given a grand send-off. Why would I give up such a beautiful life in exchange for the pain that addiction would bring, I may never know. But what I do understand, is I have no one to blame but myself.”

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        • My addiction was cutting. Long story short at 14 I was beaten and repeatedly gangraped until they thought they killed me and left me for dead in a ditch. My addiction was control of emotions, a need to feel in a world where i was lost. Not all addiction is such an easy choice. Not all addiction has the addict to blame. I own the fact I am a recovering cutter but I didn’t start it by choices from a place of safety.

          I also have loving parents, a strong supportive family and god as well. Now try being young and brutalized in ways you can’t explain. You begin asking why god did this and in the end the advice you get from religious people isn’t helpful. You can quickly lose your faith and become withdrawn even from a strong, supportive loving family.

          I live today because of this family, because of my faith and because of my will. Despite my addiction, my past I graduated high school, college, I hold a decent stable job. People today look back and sa I can’t believe you are still alive or that you’ve done the things you’ve done.

          You can become an addict without realizing it and very quickly. I became addicted to the pain because it’s all that was real to me. I could control when, where and for how long I felt. I found a way to stop another control over what caused the pain men. I stripped for a while and the control over the men who came was my new addiction and when I finished college I went back to cutting because I quit stripping. I lost the control I needed.

          Now I focus one day at a time. I can beat this addiction and I’ve found new ways to feel (better feelings love) and I’ve begun the process of true healing. I feel all the emotions now and I know pain isn’t my champion nor my friend. But it’s taken time to get here. It’s taken mistakes and nearly dying. It’s taken so much but I wouldn’t trade a day for my present wouldn’t be without my past.

          I am glad most have a decent life. Nor is mine a sob story. I consider it a success story. I have a good life and have always had the foundation to recovery. I was too hurt and to blind to see it back then. I wish all had your blessed life and none ever suffered. That is a day I shall never see while I breath a mortals breath.

          Like

          • First of all, congratulations on your recovery. Few can rise from the ashes but you returned with flying colours and like you said it’s due to your evidently wonderful family. However your slope was due to the fact that you were in a sense “dominated” and the feeling of stripping gave you the control these people took from you, not to mention the fact you thought you had a secure life with your loving family which means you were never prepared for what happened to you making your traumatic experience a bigger shock. You were 14 when it happened, a time of puberty. The changing hormones did you as much good as a wall currently being built: Soft and easy to put down. I’m not saying I know his life but he never mentioned any life-changing traumas and certainly not at the difficult time you experienced yours.

            Like

            • Thank you. I understand you as well I just like giving people the full benefit as I haven’t lived his life. I am in no place to say what he has or hasn’t done. Personally I think of myself as a success not all can come out of things the same and many want the world to Pitty them. I help at rape center because I have been where these girls are. I would rather people see me as strong confident and whole than the mess I was for a time. That isn’t me the lady who lives and stands is me. Anyway the piece is insightful weather he wrote it from personal experience or not. I just don’t feel anyone can say he didn’t live it. He might just be a success story of his own.

              Like

              • Exactly. The reason I praised him so much was that I just assumed (which fully means I can be wrong) he didn’t go through this however he understood it so well. One missing piece of the puzzle on your story which I forgot to say (sorry I just like to Sherlock people) is that of course you wouldn’t ever change what happened because of the son you gained that day. Regretting the day you were traumatised would be regretting the day your son was conceived, associating him with being a burden in your memory. Many would give up the result of such a traumatising experience but either consciously or subconsciously your religious background dictated to you that everything happens for a reason and that life is never an accident which is why you not only kept the child but love him very much. An outstanding mother you are 🙂

                For the sake of releasing the burden of not knowing, how much of my deduction was correct? I’m curious to know.

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                • I didn’t kill him because it is murder. He didn’t sin. I gave him up and my parents took him and raised him. For a long time yes I couldn’t really look at him and I tried suicide because of it. He is my blessing it took many years to realize this but he is. /shrug its been 14 years since he was born 15 in may. I am a different person now and if I could change my past now I wouldn’t but ask me when I was just 17 I would have traded him in a heartbeat. Again we grow and change thank god we grow and change.

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                • As for things happening for a reason no I don’t believe god had any hand in the free will of these men. Nor in their evil. His hand saved my life and prevented my success in suicide. Nothing of the evil is his will nor reason.

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                  • I’ve been getting cocky. I used to be accurate in my guesses but lately I’ve been taking shots in darker places. Well at least you said so thank you

                    Like

  18. Wow. This is an amazing post. I’m a clinical therapist working at a DIOP substance abuse agency and a lot of people ask me how I do it. The experience is rewarding and I think this post speaks volumes not just to the struggle but to the beauty of recovery!

    Like

    • Greetings. My name is Kendall F. Person and I am hosting a forum for an upcoming post and would like to speak with you about your possible inclusion in a segment on suicide with a particular incident as the center of the topic.Please email me at thepublicblogger@zoho.com for additional information with the hopes of garnering your participation. Thank you so very much. Looking forward to speaking with you. Please note, Time is a factor. – KP

      Like

  19. Pingback: Getting Sober: Where to Start | Sober Courage

  21. Kendall,

    The idea that change in whatever direction happens in inches (and probably smaller measurements then that) is a powerful.

    There is an excellent model devised by Prochaska and DiClemente which describes a Cycle of Change in terms of that incremental motion. It shows that supporting/being/ moving-in-time with people through the periods of ‘lapse’ and developing an understanding of why the inch forwards became inches backwards is critical. There are lots of references to their work on Google.

    The Cycle of Change model is a useful way of understanding most of our human condition as we are all beings in a state of change!

    PP

    Like

  22. Hi Kendall! What an amazing post! Powerful and beautiful and scary and uplifting. I love that last paragraph you wrote for its true inspiration that I too feel! I am so very grateful for the gift of sobriety and I only wish that I could just hand it out to others like cookies or something. I know that might sound silly, but it can be so hard to get sober/clean, because IT IS so cunning and baffling; it took me 4 years of trying to actually get sober. So I am determined to spread the word of hope any way I can. I know we can do this together!

    This is a beautiful message that you have shared with us! So inspiring. I hope everyone gets a chance to read it – I am sure going to plaster it all over! – THANK YOU!!!

    Like

  23. Thank you for this authentic post. I have worked with addicts for most of my career and my crime writing tends to include addiction. I am glad that you found me. Thank you for following my blog.

    Like

  27. i can imagine this must have been difficult to write, to dive in to the emotions… It is so personal, but applies to so many. Thank you for sharing this with us, lots of lessons learned

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  28. Hi Kendall, thank you so much for visiting and following my humble blog. this has led me to visiting your own blog. very inspiring. the honesty in “our featured presentation: addiction” has humbled me. thank you for sharing your life story with us all, enriching our souls.

    Very warm regards, Retno Pudjiastuti.

    Like

    • There was a time when I either thought I was perfect, or I wanted people to think I was. (chuckle) Now, literally, I just want to do my part in making a contribution to this world. The written word is a powerful thing. I am humbled and I am grateful of this platform. And while i am and will always be an entertainer at heart, there is too much knowledge, and wisdom and life from hallow halls of university to the streets of hard knocks. From the corporate marketing director’s seat, to being unemployed and not quite sure what to do. If my written words about me or society or from my imagination inspire, motivate, promote conversation, uphold peace or entertain, than I will continue to write. Thank you for adding your voice and welcome to the neighborhood. So glad you are here.

      Like

  32. I appreciate you stopping by our blog. Because of it, we have now discovered your blog! I look forward to following your future posts. –Kelsi

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  34. A great post! Thank you for sharing your personal story. It’s absolutely amazing what a come-back you have made. Here you are now. Stong, solid, wise and always have a nice word for your friends and for us who visit your blog. Two days ago I was in a trial, becaus my neighbour attacked me without no reason. She was threatering me and my children and tried to brake in our apartment door. Why? She was drunk, again and the father of her kids had fetched the children and she was in her drunk world sure that I was the one to blame ( It was her son who had called his father). And in the courtroom she said nasty lies about me and I was not allowed to defend myself ( I was only allowed to talk about the assault). It was so frustrating to herar her talk. Everything was about her and she had no feeling for others. And she had 100 excuses for why she did what she did. her father died etc. And her lawyer said that she was innocent.
    I’m still angry, because I never had the chans to tell her or the court – that this lady has destroyed my safety and my kids safety. And that I for three years been supporting her so many times when she sat drunk outside my door (because we are neighbours) and I’ve been putting my evening aside for her, I comforted her, made her coffe , took care of her kids when she couldn’t stand on her feet, bought her food etc. She never said thank you and today I understand that she doesn’t remember.
    And there she was in the courtroom – Saying she is innocent. Denying the pain she casued me and other. And she talked bad about me. I was so sad.

    Thank you for letting me share my story.

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    • Thank you for adding your voice and delivering to the neighborhood the other side of the coin. The side that portrays the misery that an addicts life brings to those around them. I understand your anger and you have every right to it, but your kindness that you gave was not lost, for it was in your heart and you had it to give. Kindness does not always come back to us, but nor does it minimize the deed. You are a beautiful person and you did all you could to save a lost soul. No more can be expected and in true altruism, nothing should be expected in return. You are appreciated. Please accept my gratitude in the place of hers and I hope that is enough to allow you to get passed the hurt.

      Like

      • You’re absolutely right when you say that in true altruism nothing should be expected in return. I was aware of that when I wrote my reply. And I almost changed the text before I sent it, to – that I didn’t expect a thank you in return – because I know it’s selfish. But that wouldn’t be the truth. The truth is that I in that moment wasn’t more mature than that I wanted her to at least once in those years acknowledge me for beeing at her side. But she didn’t remember those events because she was drunk. And now she reconstructed her time in a way to protect herself. I felt stupid and hurt then, when she let me down because it reminded me of the memory of when I was a child that never reach parents emotionally,And when I didn’t get the warmth that a child “shpuld ” have. But you are so right. My kindness to her was not a waste. It was real from my heart. And I should stop feeling ashamed of that.
        You ask me to accept your gratitude in the place of hers? How can you be such a big person to carry her faults and my ( and others) grief? You made med cry and I’ve changed as a person after reading your reply. I’m not angry anymore. I’m wiser and more at peace and I don’t know what I did to deserve your kindness. But I will forward your kindness to people I meet from this day.

        Like

  35. Pingback: Our Featured Presentation: Addiction « donniebishop

  37. I like your head-on approach–no pussy footing around. This is how it is, you can’t go it alone and addiction is a mean beast. Bravo for your relentless openness and courage.

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  38. My addiction is cutting. I am struggling to stop and have been 5 weks without cutting myself. Addiction is real it’s a need to feel something we believe is real. A need that early cost me my life and landed me in the hospital on numberous occassions. Nice work sir beautifully said. People without addictions have no clue how strong the pull is.

    Like

    • Michelle – Please do not struggle alone. There are very few people who can recover without the help of others. Thank you for adding your voice and it brings us great joy to know you will feel safe here. But cutting is a mental health issue that must be addressed in order to heal and prevent further damage. You are beautiful. You are special and you are loved. Please do not struggle alone. There is help out there.

      Like

      • Yes sir it took time but i am not alone. I am at a good point in life and god has blessed me with strength. I have had the need once in the past five weeks and had the ability to put it down. My issues date back to childhood and are extremely dark. God began shedding his light again into my life recently. Thank you for your kind words i know i am not alone now but for a long time i felt unworthy of love even gods love and unclean. No more do i feel such because he is in my life. /big hugs

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          • Thank you Kendall. I never presume to call people by a name unless I am invited to do so. I shall remember to use yours.
            I wanted to explain how cutting becomes an addiction. I was 14 when I was beaten near to death and gangraped during the process. In a world of pain and questioning why I found no answers. I shut down all my emotion and my champion who reminded me I yet live became pain. I hated myself, I wanted to die and even tried it and almost succeeded. My cutting was bad enough I almost accidently succeeded as well.

            Cutting was the only way I felt anything. Life was numb and I needed the reminder I live. When I started I was surely in control but as days drew to years I lost the control I thought I had. It becomes an addiction the need to feel just as drugs or alcohol become a way to become numb.

            You are correct it is a mental illness but so is any addiction such. I’ve been doing better and this year have only etched 9 lesson upon my flesh and I’ve been more than 5 weeks with no lessons. I may mess up still but I hope not. God has sent me blessing this past year and I walk once more in his light.

            Healing is a process and when the damage is inflicted upon a child they question everything. It is not uncommon for rape victims to lose their faith, feel unloved, unworthy. I as shattered on that day. I still do not like to look at myself I see the scars, the pain.

            After I wrote reflections I wrote a series “inside me deeply” and finally let people in. Truly let them in to my pain and darkness and in such some healing has been found. I thank you for reminding me I am not alone I’ve more people who care than I sometimes realize. /big hugs to my friend Kendall 🙂

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        • Hi Michelle,
          I am so glad you your life is growing closer to the light this last year, and that you have not cut yourself for some time :). I do empathise with you, as my niece went through a similar experience when she was 14. She was gang raped by 7 men, beaten up, had broken beer bottles put up her and then they tried to drown her. This experience left her totally numb, with cervical cancer and with child. She felt that it was all her fault, that she was responsible for this horrific ordeal, that she was unclean and unworthy of any love. She separated herself from her family, and started going out with this horrible guy who fed her speed. Nine months later she gave birth to a boy in a psychiatric unit, and that is where she stayed for the last 9 years of her life! I spent a lot of my time helping her to accept that it was not her fault and to accept the loving and caring being that she was. Finally she accepted this, and that night she died peacefully in bed. Life is so short, and it is so important to love ourselves, so that we can love each other. blessings and much support to you dear child, Bridget ❤

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  39. I am an alcoholic/addict. Let’s get that out of the way right off the bat. This is such a well written, inspiring, compelling piece that you have posted which affirms the reason why I followed your blog.
    I used to (past tense because I have been sober and living in recovery for 21 months) compare my problems begat of addiction to that of others; not with condescension but to justify, rationalize, minimize my own substance abuse related issues. It was with a disconnect that I would see someone who had it “worse” and continue to exacerbate my own problems with further drinking and drugging. So long as I didn’t have it as “bad as them” I could keep on keeping on.
    That is one of the many evils of my addictions. They are too numerous to count here or even in one sitting but what is known to me is that there is a solution for everyone and I have found mine. Sobriety has been beautiful, trying, exciting, difficult and the best gift I could give myself. Thanks to inspiring words such as yours my journey while living in solution, living in recovery is made easier. Thank you for sharing.

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  41. Powerful post. We so need to find new ways of dealing with those addicted in this way. It’s destroying their lives as well as those who love them.

    Like

  43. Thank you for sharing so openly and bravely . A powerful read, both for people with addiction and those of us looking at it from the outside.

    Like

  45. I needed to hear this tonight- thank you for your honesty.

    Like

    • I am both proud and humbled by this platform, and while I am an entertainer at heart, it is with sincerity when I say that I try to use my words to bring to contribute to peace, love, understanding and stronger lives. I am under delusions of grandeur about my influence, but your words confirm that their is value in openess honesty and apporoaching real topics, with real people and that includes me. Thank you for adding your voice. So glad you are a part of the neighborhood.

      Like

  48. Hi, I am not addicted to substances, but, I believe my weakness could be gambling, if I gave in to it. I think we all have a weakness for something, and if we cannot be kind, we should at least try to understand. Great post yet again!

    Like

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