TO BE A MAN

  Posted on by Kendall Fredrick Person

  110 Comments

To Be A Man
To Be A Man

cover photo courtesy of Library of Congress

You don’t have to be a man to fight for freedom.
All you have to do is to be an intelligent human being
– Malcolm X

 

TO BE A MAN
by Kendall F. Person

What does it take to be a lion? An episode of National Geographic or Animal Planet on life in the Serengeti will answer that question in graphic, violent, well filmed documentaries. Male lions are born into privilege. Their majestic appearance is a hindrance to the ambush style of the hunt. Their beautiful manes make being inconspicuous nearly impossible and their hulking physique make them much too slow to catch most prey. They spend nearly 18 hours a day in slumber and after the females return with the spoils, the male lions are always the first to eat. Known to take on a pack of hyenas – solo – their most ferocious competitor and slaughter them all, they face little resistance when they bound through the brush.

But lions, their downfall or their strength, are not satisfied with one bride, but rather conquer entire prides, in winner take all battles, that sometimes lead to death. Lions engage in a gladiator sport. Upon takeover, a coalition will commit genocide, murdering every last cub, of the dethroned king’s’ bloodline. What does it take to be a lion? It takes unflappable nerve. Overwhelming power, brute force and an insatiable desire to spread their seed far and wide. As difficult as a male lion’s life must be, it does not compare to the complexity or challenges faced by the human species.

US Troops

courtesy of the Library of Congress

Former President Zine El Abidine Ben Ali by most accounts was a leader on the rise. After assuming the presidency of Tunisia in 1987 in a bloodless cod’etat, he would win a staggering 90% of the vote in his successful bid for reelection. He would build his brand under the global spotlight, presiding over a robust economy and seemingly stable nation. But human rights violations soon begin to surface, buffeted by a moratorium of freedom of the press. But the budding wealth of the north African and middle eastern state, was not trickling downward, where rising unemployment of young men in both the rural and urban core, had created a level of discontent among the downtrodden, that was not merely simmering, but combustible.

On December 17, 2010, a 26-year-old man named Mohamed Bouazizi had reached his boiling point, and in a halo of flames, would leave his mark upon the Arab world. The sole provider of a large family, he would put in long hours, arriving home exhausted, selling vegetables from a cart. As the man of his house, he had dreams of buying a vehicle, which would enable him to grow his business and proudly support his family. The subject of ongoing harassment and extortion, Mohamed Bouazizi would labor on, paying ransoms disguised as fines, and continued to hold his head up high. But on the morning of the 17th, the first domino would fall.  A municipal officer would confiscate his cart, his only income for the family he was supporting, then refuse to give it back, even after he offered to pay the fine. Instead, he was slapped and  spit upon and was ambushed by a verbal assault on the name of his deceased father.

Humiliated and with the loss of his property, he would seek help from the state, walking to provincial headquarters to complain and to retrieve his means. But they refused to see him. Leaving one of their own men, shattered, angry and confused. So Mohamed Bouazizi, now stripped of his dignity and forgotten in life, would make sure that his people, would remember him in death. On the steps of a government building, in the light of day, a man named Mohamed Bouazizi would douse his body in gasoline and set himself ablaze.

Unbeknownst to him, he would sacrifice his life for others, as his death was the catalyst for Arab Spring.

 

Referenced Mediums
Bouazizi: The Man Who Set Himself and Tunisia on Fire, Time Magazine
Mohamed Bouazizi, Wikipedia

 Category: Op/Ed      Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

110 Comments on “TO BE A MAN”

  1. My definition of a man: one who can role model exception values in his children, remind his wife / partner why they were married with the little things that are done and not just said.
    Embracing change as much as you want to just stop, for a little while way, and then soldier one to the next precious moment. Love, learn, listen, like and be respectful of others even if you do not agree without hitting the rampage button.
    Being a man means you are the inner child one moment and the valiant defender the next. Flexibility tinged with a ounce of wisdom stirred then poured into a mould that is incomplete.
    So whether you are (Wo)man, (Hu)man or just you you love, you learn you teach and you smile. As for the rest of my thoughts, I am sure they will surface into something coherent as time melds with the night to come.
    Thank you for the chance to express myself. Excellent work never goes unnoticed but is rarely praised. Be well my friend. 🙂

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  2. My perspective on being a man comes from my current status of being an older man, and specifically an American man. I have lived through the age when virility was idolized. I have lived through the age when virility was demonized. My fear today is that American standards about male identity, as in all things political, have become polarized. A man is either seen as a gun-toting defender of a constitution he has never read or as a drugged up, drunken sperm donor looking for his next lay. Neither perspective represents any truth more than the stereotypical. I suspect that most successful men live quiet lives in which they contribute what they can to the wellbeing of others; in which they try to honor the integrity of others without becoming doormats for hypocrisy; and in which they can claim a degree of happiness after making necessary sacrifices that fall short of suicide.

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  4. A lot of times the obvious is not so obvious. When there is doubt I say go with your heart. If it hurts instead of helps, stop. There’s your answer. If Stopping was the wrong thing it will hurt even more and, . . . there’s your answer. In every aspect of life, let your conscience be your guide. Do unto. . . . etc. That’s the lightest burden you will ever carry.

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  5. Thank you for stopping by my blog; you have given me a great inspiration to write about what I think being a man means. I grew up with 5 brothers, sandwiched in birth order between my 3 older brothers and 2 younger. Your writing carries great emotion and insight; I’m a fan!

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  7. Maybe the title should have been “How poverty, oppression, injustice and inequality robs a man of his manhood…and sanity” or “Does someone have to die for things to change?” Both of which have little to do with what it means to be a man and they are long and not search engine friendly…hmmm. Maybe Mohammed really felt self-sacrifice was the only way to revolt against injustice. A self-sacrificing Jesus perhaps. Maybe he was suicidal. Scratch that, that’s the western therapist talking. Or maybe asking what it means to be a man in general is like asking what it means to be a man in space. Answer is, it depends on where you were born.

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  8. I’m a man who happens to be gay. You are a terrific writer – very poetic. Thanks for following me, I feel honoured. Did you know that you have a British mint cake named after you? Steve.

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      • Cheers Kendall. The Kendal mint cake which I mentioned is not entirely eponymous as it only has one L. Kendal is a small town in England’s stunningly beautiful and rugged Lake District.

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  9. Your blog is beautifully written with a strong an conscientious voice. I truly respect your concept, if I am understanding correctly, which is to write on a topic in order to start intelligent discussions about these topics. I did not read all of the comments here, but I scanned enough to say that I am also impressed by your desire to fully and intelligently address all comments. I only want to add on tiny thought: the concept of what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman is divisive and counter-productive. Of course, it is much better than not considering one’s own character at all, but I believe the better question is what it means to be a decent individual. Until all of us, from every country, from every culture, and from both sexes, asks this same question, then we will be forever divided and bogged down with secular details. Literature shows us that, no matter the place, time, or culture, all human beings are concerned with a distinct set of universal archetypes that define humanity’s characteristics. In my mind, it is FAR better to ask oneself what it means to be a great person, and to discuss our similarities rather than to define out differences. Have a good day. I look forward to reading more of your blogs!

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    • Thank you for adding your inciteful,kind and wise voice to this forum. The Neighborhood is an open forum, you are right, in that all voices, no matter the opinion can be heard. But it is also a place of peace of respect of learning and of sharing and we cannot do that if we are screaming insults back and forth at one another. Thank you for adding comfirmation that The Neighborhood is a safe place to talk. You are appreciated.

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  10. Thank you, Kendall, for this amazing post…I am a little humbled by your knowledge and eloquence on such real and important social and world issues. I am honored that you would want to follow my blog! It’s a pleasure and honor, sir.

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    • Thank you for adding your voice to this forum. It is pleasure to get know your community. I consider myself an entertainer but am humbled by this platform I have received and do my best to give accurate accounts whenever the subject is of nonfiction. Welcome to the neighborhood. You are appreciated.

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  13. I’m surrounded by strong women who live with grace and dignity showing indomitable fortitude and courage in the face of never-ending challenges. So when I read your theme ‘what does it mean to be a man’ the faces of these women flash past. To believe in goodness, stand tall and rise, to never give up and to work in hope that is Man.

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  14. Hi Kendell,

    Thanks for following my blog 🙂 You have an interesting and wonderful place here.

    I think about this question everyday, possibly more than I do about any topic related to my life. I honestly feel that its an irrelevant question… It’s like asking a tree “What does it mean to be a plant?”. Our society seems on an obsessive drive toward finite definitions : Gay-male-metrosexual, Black-White-Mixed race-human…

    My reply to this question is simple : I am human first, the rest comes after and is too fluid to say.

    I am a human, male and therefore a man!

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  16. Every time I click one of your posts, I’m sure I know where it’s going to go, and you always surprise me xD Really, what it means to be a man (or woman) was perfectly stated in Malcolm X’s quote at the top of the page. There’s nothing I could follow that with, except applause,

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  17. Well, in my opinion, and i hope i’m not stepping on any toes here but i don’t think Mohamed Bouazizi was much of one. Anybody can give up although it takes a rather dangerously narcissistic person to light themselves on fire. What became of his family, Kendall? Do we know? Because that’s my problem with what he did. he left them to fend for themselves. A real man does not abandon his family. He stands firm and picks himself up, despite the hardships and makes another way. A real man takes those two or four steps backwards to take one forward for his family.

    Another question for you, why did you choose the person on a backdrop of the Arab Spring? I have to think that they’re equally good examples of straying or strained manhood in America. Young men out here on the corner call themselves men because they think they’re providing for their families in the only way possible. They don’t realize that being a man means making good choices and learning to do so.

    I don’t know. It’s a pertinent question but i’m not feeling the example. I do know one thing: at 57 years old and having raised a family, I’m less sure today of what being a man is than I was years ago. Manhood is a changing state of being. I think we (men) all have to just realize that we want to try to do the best we can and be the best that we can be, for ourselves and our loved ones. And always remember that no man is perfect so take your foibles with a grain of salt.

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    • benderedondat – Hello, my new neighbor. Thank you for adding your voice and thank you for the questions. Please forgive the further delay in my response. Just trying to figure the best way to answer your questions. I will respond shortly. Thank you for your patience and welcome to the neighborhood. You are needed here.

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    • Thank you for your patience. What I would like to do before answering your questions, is request to take your last paragraph, starting with the 2nd sentence, and insert it into this show. The wisdom, the uncertainty, the forgiveness, the summation is brilliant and teaching and non-judgemental, and although in this post particularly, the forum is as important as the post, I think it is better served by all who will read, to elevate your words and generosity in sharing to the main stage to assure all will see. However, I will await your approval before doing so.

      I am still searching for information regarding Mohamed Bouazizi’s family He is a national hero in Tunisia and among some in the Arab World. There has been talk of both book and movie deals, so I would like to think that financially and socially, his family is okay, but I cannot confirm at this time. Perhaps, someone with first hand knowledge will visit the neighborhood and add their voice. I think it is important to add in the equation, that accidentally or on purpose, his death, in some ways, touched world. >> If this is your first show, I ask that you attend a couple of others. I think this will answer your question regarding why Mohamed Bouazizi is at the center of To Be a Man, If not, I will also plan on writing about it in a future show, because, I think you will find, you are actually asking why I write the way I do (which is perfectly fine}. But I will leave you with a rhetorical question. What if we were not allowed to be a man, do we know for certain how we would react?.

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      • No worries, Kendall and feel free to do the do with any or all of what I’ve given you, but to your question. An unequivocal no, I can’t say for certain how i would react or what my breaking point would be, the one that made me feel less of a man. I’ve thought about it many times and in my years have been tested but truthfully, I’m sure that as bad as it’s been for me on any given day, would seem a cakewalk for others such as Mohamed. And as much as my opinion could be taken as a judgment, i try not to judge individuals such as the brother. My motto is always “There, but for the grace of God, go I”. But can I tell you my problem? It’s the whole fire thing. I’m trying to evaluate it in the context of family as opposed to politics but i can’t seem to escape the two. Was he making a political statement or was he simply despondent and at his end? That’s my issue. Holler back and thank you for the welcome, glad to be here…

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        • If i could add something to that…I would hope that there would be no breaking point, that no matter how dire the straits, I would be able to weather the storm enough that i would never lose my consciousness, that part of me that realizes that I’m a product of the creator and that it makes me, something precious. I hope I’m not sounding pompous in that characterization. Because thinking of yourself as less than a man means losing that bit of “thing” that cements your relationship with God. Not that man is the only living thing that has such a relationship. Again, I’m not going for any superiority thing, you know. OK, I’m done….

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          • benderedondat – Developing a live show (pre-recorded once it hits public view), in parts surrounding this topic. I would like to invite you to take part. The show is 30 minutes long, requiring approx. 10 minutes of your time. Participants must have the ability to join a Google Hangout video call, allowing each person to take part from the comforts of their own home. The show will be produced no later than March 10, with a precise date and time provided as soon as I receive verification from each invited guests as to whether in or out. Would love to have you as a guest, but no worries at all if you prefer to pass, for whatever reason. Having you hear in the neighborhood is more than we can ask. – Kendall

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        • Hi benderedondat,

          You have some powerful and thought moving questions and comments. I had to think about this for some time, and then relate it back to the question “What does it mean to be a man?” and I can understand where and why this article seems to provoke so much. In the stereotype of our society, a man must provide, a man must defend, a man must…

          The article made me wonder what Mohamed Bouazizi must have felt, his state of mind, his reasoning… to do that you have to imagine a whole person, the entirety of his life and the cumulative effect of his culture. I live in South Africa, I have muslim friends, I’ve experienced the extreme despair of poverty in my community… apply this to Mohamed Bouazizi and suddenly he is a person faced with two acts of desperation : Kill for what I believe or Die for it?

          This question has often crossed my mind when I counseled victims of abuse… What would I kill for? What would I die for?

          Perhaps Mohamed Bouazizi decided that to make his statement with the right impact, he would rather die for his beliefs and desires, thereby becoming the watershed for change.

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          • Hey, emilwentzel! That’s a good query, you laid out. If Mohamed did decide to die for what he believed in order to become the catalyst for change then I’m back where i started; that his actions were political rather than personal, or familial if you will. But again, and i can’t stress this enough, I say this from a place where i don’t have to pay fines/bribes in order to go to work to feed my family; and not a place where the political process is ingrained in providing the everyday necessities of life that we take for granted here in the west. That’s the problem I guess. Here, politics is a distant harbinger of good or bad, no that much difference between Dems or Repubs when it comes to what it gives the common man at times. But in Egypt, politics is in every family’s life, a part of their existence. the vote can literally mean some may live and some may die, depending on the climate. It’s a very dangerous and fractious situation. Still, I have to go back to the essence of family and manhood, our responsibilities. It’s our responsibility to care for our family and I question, albeit as softly as I can, whether or not Mohamed was doing so at the time when he lit himself ablaze.

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            • It’s a terrific argument… and in our country we’re seeing some of the same sentiments growing. From a political perspective I agree, but do we have to separate the idea that politics is personal? People are hardly that single faceted, everything contributes to everything else.
              I’m an IT solutions architect, I love my work, at the same time doing it for years has changed my thinking in my personal life and how I approach problems. Where does my work end and I begin?
              This man might have considered the situation in a most personal way. Though his actions led or added to an already politically fuelled circumstance, the act of burning himself was a very personal statement.
              Not to compare Muhammad to anyone, but with your argument, was Gandhi on a personal crusade or a political one? Everyday there are people, men and women giving there lives to impact change in their part of the world, many will die for it. Many might knowingly commit suicide to show their resolve, because they see no other way to effect the change they do desperately yearn for.

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              • No, Emil, i don’t think we should have to separate the personal from the political. I only did so when asked to make a “judgement ‘ call about behavior. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that politics, that part of the system of government that we can be a part of, should be personal, or at least we should all take it personally. And yes, no man is any one thing so we’re all multi-faceted; as Shrek said we’re onions with a lot of layers. But to your question about Gandhi, I do think his was both a political and personal decision to do the things he did. (Love the movie, watched it again this weekend, a matter of fact). But I think there’s a difference in a man going on a hunger strike for a cause and one setting himself on fire for one. I said before the whole fire thing troubles me; it’s over the top whereas something akin to a hunger strike or simply suicide from despondency is lower keyed. And again, I go back to family, those that’re left behind. But you know, I am seeing what you’re saying more now. I can accept that a family man may find himself in such a position where he feels there’s nowhere else to go. But to put your children through the site of seeing you burn in the middle of the street? I’m just not feeling that. Maybe I’m wrong but i feel there has to be a better way to make your point.

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                • Perhaps we’re looking at this the wrong way… So far, our point of reference is the effect of Mohammad’s act, instead, let’s take look at it by imagining what this man might have had in his mind moments before torching himself.

                  I think we’d agree that we can’t really know what he was planning that fateful day, except that he did go to the government office building with a can of fuel. We can for certain say this man was desperate, in despair, angry, frustrated and over the edge of reason.

                  But…

                  What if he didn’t go there to commit suicide publicly. His original idea may have been to go set the building on fire…

                  If we assume that this was true, what would his state of mind be? He’s standing in front of his target, but there are fellow citizens all around him in the same situation he is. His conscience and faith has a greater impact at this very moment. Setting this building alight would not only hurt the government, but perhaps kill innocent bystanders.

                  He’s frustrated, angry and acting on his feelings would violate his principles, his faith and therefore betray his life and legacy. And now he can’t even vent his anger, he hasn’t got enough money or resources to get his family out of the country (this might not even be possible). He can’t or won’t kill, so fighting is out of the question…

                  Mohammed is trapped in the crack between flight or fight, and he can do neither.

                  He can’t go home and face his family, tell them that they will most likely starve. That he couldn’t fight for them, for his people or even himself. So he does the improbable, the one thing that most sane people will not do unless at their end… but he is so far beyond that now.

                  Mohammed stands in front of the government building, surrounded by people suffering the same circumstance and trapped between honour and doing what is needed… He pours the fuel over himself and (probably with a final prayer) sets himself alight.

                  We will never know what this man was thinking, but for me, he must have been suffering a terrifying reality… one few of us should and hopefully will never experience. I doubt that he went there to make a statement, I think he just wanted some justice and to have the freedom to work and feed his family. But that isn’t the reality he found, and I’m barely able to imagine what I would do in his situation.

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  19. I have an issue with any definition of a ‘man’ or what it takes to be a ‘man’. The only definitive definition is the biological donation of sperm during reproduction. Anything beyond that is clouded in tradition, bias, and personal perspective. I don’t see how any of the other things mentioned defines a man.

    In order for a trait or an action to define a man, it needs to not define a woman. And I challenge anyone to find any single trait or action mentioned here that does not also define a strong woman. I have a strong wife and five daughters and would like to think that each of them is capable and willing to do anything a man can or will do.

    How many women have traveled dangerous paths or worked themselves to death to provide for their families? How many women have suffered humiliation and torture to protect their children? Sacrifice, hard work, discipline, honesty and honour are not male exclusive. Just as caring, loving, nurturing and gentleness are not female exclusive.

    I am a man. But only because I provided the sperm for my children. Any further definition is attached to me by others. I am a human, a father and a husband, genetically, biologically and legally. The term ‘man’ doesn’t have any responsibilities or traits or actions attached to it that don’t also define woman.

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  20. Being a man is often defined by what one is not, i.e. a woman, much as being white is often defined as what one is not, i.e. black. Whites, and men get enough attention. Next topic.

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    • Although your deductions are bulletproof your summation begs the question, why would anyone read a topic titled ‘To Be a Man: An all-inclusive interactive conversation among men’ and complain about the subject matter unless indeed it is attention as a man one is seeking. Don’t know, but either way your voice is welcomed here.

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      • Okay, i’ll go there with you.
        Seeking attention, most definitely.
        As a “man”, not that i am aware of.
        Complain – no not a complaint – more the question, are we asking the right question?
        And the “why” – to be embroiled in dialog, in order to test the resilience of ones own logic.

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        • I owe you an apology. I do my best to think before I respond and sometimes I fall short. Your voice is fine and I appreciate your reply. I do think, however, that you have so much more to say than to add criticism to a topic, like the words you just left. But no matter, your voice is your voice and you welcomed to lift it here. Thank you, my friend, and please accept my sincere apologies for rude welcoming.

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          • No apologies necessary, you shame me. I am gruff, it gets under peoples skin, it is intentional.

            I found you welcome gracious, and witty, and if it flatters you, rather butch and alluring.

            I simply don’t believe in men and women, so the question what does it mean to be a man is a bit like the question what color are unicorns.

            I get impatient, cause i am getting old, and i thought this whole thing was going to be easier.

            Of course self exploration is important. I still have to force myself to shut up when a woman is talking, or not to assume non-amelanistic people grew up in big cities, and that sort of thing. But who cares? What do i intend to do about the injustice my very existence perpetrates upon those who are ostensibly “not like” me? I don’t need to know any more about me than i already do to make way for others to take what is theirs. Given the chance others will tell me what i am like.

            I think the gist was “attention mongering twat” – Guilty!

            Lovingly,

            Auntie Babewyn

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  21. A question that would only be asked in a modern society. Traditional societies have well-defined gender roles, so the question would make no sense. There is only one way. But in “modern” (that is, culturally diverse, technologically advanced) societies the question is valid but essentially unanswerable. Other than the obvious one, that a “man” has certain physical characteristics, but even those can be altered.

    There is a wide range of behaviors, attitudes, desires, expectation, etc. for both men and women. In terms of gender behavior, I tend to view people, men and women, on a continuum. Aggressive vs. passive. Smart vs. stupid. Nice vs. nasty. Nurturing vs. aloof. The list is endless.

    As Malcolm X and many others have said: Be a human being. Every man and every woman is unique. No need to look for an “ideal”.

    (Now, if the question was: What does it mean to be a “good man” that would be another can of worms.)

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  22. Thank you for this thought provoking post. To me, Being a man means, above all things, to be honest in standing for what you know is right, even if you’re standing alone! Thanks for visiting my blog as well, sir. It was a pleasure to meet you!

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  24. Thank you for your courageous post, sometimes a point of view does meet the high threshold of one-hundred percent empathy, although a completely diverse perspective would be out of character, I salute, and re-blog you

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  26. Very thought-provoking analysis on what it truly means to be a man, and how a man is defined in our society. This post (or should I call it a “show?”) examines first the male lion’s life, sleeping 18 hours a day and insisting on eating first. But compared to male human beings, lions have it easy, as former Tunisian President Zine El Abidine Ben Ali can tell you, or Mohamed Bouazizi, who unknowingly started the Arab Spring by dousing his body in gasoline and setting himself on fire on the steps of a government building after a municipal officer confiscated his humble vegetable cart, refusing to give back the only income source Bouazizi had for feeding his family.

    Yes, what does it mean to be a man, indeed? Kendall F. Person’s blog show ends with an invitation for readers to leave their own comments, thus forming some sort of interactive conversation among men that really makes this post shine. One commenter, ckbflash, has crafted a unique list of words and punctuation that really puts things into perspective:

    “Griffin pasha expands domain,
    conquers meek, submits lame.
    Nature’s lay determines path,
    created fear, proffers math.
    Sovereign power leaves wake,
    fractures dream, seeds lake.
    Humble prog studies gift,
    solders link, connects drift.
    Freedom wave evolves mind,
    powers hand, opens blind.”

    Griffin pasha expands domain, indeed.

    Today’s modern society thrives on great writers like Kendall F. Person to take the reign of the masses and direct their paths. Us, the huddled masses, and they, the great writers of our time. Together we rise to get her, the spiteful Red Queen, who screams, “Off with their heads!” Like the great rock ‘n roll group Kansas said, “Carry on my wayward son., they’ll be peace when you are done.”

    Thank you Kendall, for helping us not to cry no more.

    -john

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  29. Curious that I found this post today, as this is the subject I’ve been studying for an Honor’s Thesis, prior to possible post-graduate work in psychology. The answer I have found thus far is simply this: there is no answer.

    The surprising revelation is that the question of manhood and masculinity has constantly shifted across the ages and across cultures. In fact, many of the challenges and questions being raised in society today concerning manhood and masculinity are repeats from a hundred years ago. Just prior to WWII, there was a lot of ambiguity concerning this role, as the first feminist revival was in full view. The war changed all of that, temporarily rolling back the clock, as a generation of men came home from war. Their survival and participation was a de facto declaration of their manhood, and a society willingly backed them in gratitude. It was temporary, and those questions have returned with vigor, especially in light of the second revival of feminism.

    Manhood and masculinity is a culturally defined concept, an ideology that everybody is measured up against, and falls short, in one way or the other. In America, as one quote succinctly put it, a man is “young, married, white, urban, northern, heterosexual, Protestant, father, of college education, fully employed, of good complexion, weight, and height, and a recent record in sports…Any male who fails to qualify in any one of these ways is likely to view himself – during moments at least – as unworthy, incomplete, and inferior.” As the quote suggests, nobody fits the profile and, yet, it is the ideal that is everybody is measured against. Times are changing but not fast enough, as anybody struggling to find a job in the current economy can attest too, and any female currently employed in the market place, who was denied a promotion or raise, can also attest too.

    I realize that those comments may rankle some feathers, along with some disagreements. However, I can’t lay out the entire argument here. The seminal work in academia right now (of which the debate rages on and which that quote is drawn) is “Manhood in America: A Cultural History”. For anybody interested in this topic, it’s a must read and an eye-opener. Where we go from here is anybody’s guess.

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  30. I think I would ask the question, how to be a human, rather than a man. In Africa, the Middle East, and much of Asia, the daily heroism of women goes completely unnoticed. It remains to be seen how the ‘men’ who now hold the power after the Arab Spring will use it to make a better world that that run by the ‘men’ like Ben Ali. If they don’t bring the women on board as equals it’s condemned to failure. I don’t find much to admire in lions. They look good, but their social structure doesn’t offer much of a lesson to us. Hyenas are much closer to our notions of what makes a good, caring social group.

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  31. Griffin pasha expands domain,
    conquers meek, submits lame.
    Nature’s lay determines path,
    created fear, proffers math.
    Sovereign power leaves wake,
    fractures dream, seeds lake.
    Humble prog studies gift,
    solders link, connects drift.
    Freedom wave evolves mind,
    powers hand, opens blind.

    Do we all become the griffins and continue the cycle we have been stuck in for millennia? Whatever man is or was, we now have the collective voice to decide what that means for tomorrow, together.
    I think the reason so many women voice their opinion on this subject has something to do with having a shared interest in what we decide (and even where this conversation goes).
    I vote for getting rid of the term “man” altogether for any purpose other than biology class. I think we should decide on a shared, non-gender term for the type of human we all want to be tomorrow. After all, words are just symbols for shared concepts or ideas. I don’t know how you feel about it, but in my opinion, the “man” symbol in almost all of it’s variations has been played out and is too ambiguous to mean anything of real value anymore.

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  33. The key seems to be in Mr. Malcolm X’s words: Be an intelligent human being. I’ll keep reading so as to qualify–even though I’ll never be a man, just a hu-man.
    Isabel Scheherazade (www.isabeltellsherstories.com)
    PS thanks for reading my stories, Mr. PublicBlogger Man

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  34. Kendall, my blog is going to recognize black people who got little notice but whose contributions have been invaluable. This blog hits home but there is hope. In the Middle East there are truly great women who have brought the abuse of women to light. Not in the abstract either.

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  35. “What does it mean to be a man?”
    This is a difficult question to answer!
    I think that being a man or woman means that we all must use the power inside us to stand up and do what we feel is right. If we do this, then we can walk on with our heads held high and a purpose in our lives.

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  36. To be a man, Alferius 1000 years ago left South-Italy to reach Bavaria ( South-Germany) aiming to obtain help from Emperor Henry II.
    Why do I affirm he was a man ?
    Because he started his long and dangerous mission when he was 72 years old !!!

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  37. Here’s something I had to tell a friend the other day — you can imagine the scenario — and I think it sums up one angle of the topic: “Being a man is not about sexual prowess; it’s about moral character.” I know this doesn’t resolve the Bouazizi case, but I do think it’s something a lot of young men need to hear.

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  38. What does it mean to be a man? It is an interesting and difficult question. I think the same aspects of man’s nature motivated both Bouazizi and those who persecuted him. Although in the latter case, that nature had gone terribly awry.

    When you strip away the artifices of modern society, we are left with man as the hunter-gatherer and woman as the one who holds the tribe together. Since we are no longer on the Serengeti, it would seem those roles no longer strictly apply, but as a species, we have not evolved sufficiently to be able to leave those impulse behind.

    I believe it is still within the nature of man to be the provider in an environment of scarcity. This means that men at their heart are competitive. In our deep dark past, there were challenges that kept this competitiveness within the bounds of survival, but even then there was warfare over scarce resources.

    In modern society, by comparison resources are abundant. Without another outlet, that competitive spirit can become twisted into not just the desire to out perform, but to hold power over others. The desire for power can become the catalyst for great accomplishment, or it can be come the source of horrendous atrocities.

    Which road a man walks down depends on the spirit within the man, or the strictures placed on him by his society. In Tunisia, the strictures of society were not strong enough to prevent the kinds of abuses that led to Bouazizi’s persecution. However, it was the strenth of Bouazizi’s spirit that led him not to seek power, but to sacrifice himself to a greater cause.

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  39. II do not see a man who kills himself as in any way an example, even if his death is a call to action. Stripped of dignity, and seething in despair and frustration, he inspired others not to.

    That said, he took action, and misguided or not, and for such he must be commended. He has my sympathy, I can tell you that.

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  40. To be a man?….The question itself seems so simple. In reality however, the answer is quite complex. I would suppose the answer depends on where and who you are. In the US, being a man means loving your family, going to work, putting food on your table. Unfortunately in this country, 99% are finding this harder and harder to do. Not being able to work, in this country, leads to substance abuse, spousal abuse, etc. Our government just doesn’t care.
    Now, go to Palestine, in the occupied West Bank and Gaza. We find that our government DOES care, as long as the men and women being savaged are Palestinian. Palestinian “men” bury their children every day, all day. When they try and protect their families, raise their crops, fish their waters, the psychopath Zionists cut them down in clear violation of Geneva conventions and civil societies. Bibi Netanyahu is my generations’ Hitler, and he has the full backing of the Obama Administration. Trying to be a “man” in Gaza, unless youre a Zionist thief, is nearly impossible.

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    • Erasmusnova, you are dangerously misguided about conditions both here and in the Middle East. If you think conditions in this country are so bad, look at the level of iPhone sales or any of the thousands of other consumer goods that go flying off the shelves every year. I will grant you that things have gotten worse under the current administration, but to claim our government doesn’t care when it spends trillions every year on social programs is absolutely absurd.

      As for the Middle East, you have it exactly backwards. Israelis are the ones under constant threat of destruction. Iran has stated as its goal the destruction of Israel. This is a real, existential threat. It is Hamas, not Israel, that sends rockets over the border into civilian areas. It is Hamas, not Israel, that places rocket launchers in civilian populations to use their own people as human shields. Israel has time and again gone to great lengths to avoid civilian casualties even at the risk of their own troops.

      Israel is a tiny sliver of land. The Arab-held lands in the Middle East are 650 times larger that Israel. Those lands are rich with oil profits. Why are they not helping the Palestinians? Before the intifada, hundreds of thousands of Palestinians worked inside Israel. Israel was forced to close the border because Palestinian suicide bombers killed thousands of Israeli men, women and children.

      BTW, inside Israel itself, Muslims, Jews and Christians live and work side by side. They serve together in the government and in all aspects of the society. Israel is the only democratic country in the Middle East and it is the only one that recognizes the human rights of all its citizens.

      I know there is a lot of anti-Israel propaganda in the media, but it is your responsibility to find out the truth.

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      • I just saw Eva Bartlett, a canadian activist who lived in Gaza, not 48 hours ago. I saw the images of the IDF shooting at unarmed farmers….Bibi is a war criminal, just face facts…tell ya what, i’ll be on the next flotilla, lets just see if Israel is the “democratic” country you think it is.

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        • I looked up Eva Bartlett. I found her on Electronic Intifada. This tells me she is not interested in peaceful coexistence, but rather she wants to see the destruction of Israel. This does not make her a reliable source of unbiased information.

          Are interested in facts? Here are some facts. Back before the wall, Israel suffered a series of devastating suicide bomb attacks which killed hundreds of men, women and children. They traced the attacks back to a group of Palestinian militants in the town of Jenin. If Israelis were really the war criminals you claim, they could have easily just bombed the town to rubble to eliminate the threat. They didn’t do that. They put their own people at risk by going door to door. They captured the militants, tried them, convicted them and imprisoned them. In other words, they followed the rule of law.

          While Israelis were in Jenin, Palestinians and pro-Palestinian activists were claiming the IDF was killing civilians by the thousands. The world condemned Israel for this action. The problem is that when the UN went into Jenin after the Israelis left they found no bodies, no mass graves, nothing. Did anyone apologize to Israel for the false accusations? No, of course not.

          Just to add to the dishonesty of this situation, Palestinians and their supporters kept referring to Jenin as a refugee camp. The term refugee camp conjures the image of thousands of people living in tents and huts. Jenin is a town. It had houses, buildings, paved streets, street lights, running water, electricity and all the things any other town has.

          It didn’t matter that every accusation made by the Palestinians was false. The propaganda value was already achieved. They knew most people would only remember the accusation. Not the fact that is was false.

          You want a more recent example? An Israeli company, Soda Stream, built a factory in the West Bank. It has hired both Israelis and Palestinians to work there. Palestinians and their supporters have accused the company of using Palestinians as slave labor. The truth is that both Israelis and Palestinians receive the same pay and the same benefits. It is a model of Israeli-Palestinian cooperation, but the accusations persist.

          The Palestinians have a long record of using lies and propaganda to turn world opinion against Israel. Unfortunately, there are too many people like you who are all too willing to believe whatever they say no matter how ridiculous it may be.

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    • erasmusnova – Thank you for adding your voice to this forum and welcome to the neighborhood. I understand that this topic (like many we discuss here) are filled with passion and close to our heart. But we have found that the discussion is more fulfilling an educational experience if we use our voices to uplift our beliefs and causes without tearing anyone else’s down. It is very important and will hold strong to our mission of providing a comfortable, all-inclusive platform built on peace. It is not in my nature to censor and thus your comment has passed through moderation (as nearly all of the other 4000 comments that have been made), but if there is a sense that this forum is headed in an unfortunate direction, and veers completely off topic, than, and absolutely nothing personal, but your comment will be taken down. I hope my words are received in the spirit in which they are given. You are welcomed here and I am glad that you are visitor or a new neighbor, but let us teach with our words. – KP

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      • Kendall—Thank you for the warm welcome. As a writer, it is my job to analyze and report life as it is presented to me. I’m a little unclear how I took the topic in an “unfortunate” direction. I was using the Palestinian argument as a literary comparison, I cannot be held responsible for how readers take it. You and I both know that the American MSM has been inaccurately reporting this situation for decades. All I said was that being a “man” is relative to where and who you are.

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        • erasmusnova – I reread your words and it is I that may have been a challenged with ‘psychopath Zionist’ but I reread and understood the point you were making. Thank you for taking the time to respond and inform. Most times, when i write asking for clarification the visitor never responds back. This is a sharing forum of all ideas and I appreciate your willingness to share. Welcome to the neighborhood. You are needed here.

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  41. Wow. What a powerful post, and once again the Disney version is so very far accurate although I still like The Lion King. I think that the “Question of What it Mean to Be a Man” is being raised more often and so often the answer is a man, just as a woman is a human being. Thank goodness we are not lions. I think in the end the rules for men and women o being who they are or should be, are the same. I think we need to stop focusing so much on the polarity between the sexes, it will set a lot of men free.

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  44. Men are, obviously, an integral piece of the nature of the world in which we all live. When I say ‘we all,’ I’m including all beings. Like our counterparts in wild nature, our part of it is sometimes not pretty. We are, mostly, aggressive by nature. We are the ones who lay our bodies down, sometimes at the behest of others, sometimes for family, sometimes just because we can’t help it. Are women any less fierce? No, but their wiring complements ours, as ours compliments them. Men carry the ‘Y’ and without it our species is no more. The question ‘what is a man’ is one of the great facets of literature. Answering it with distinction takes a lifetime.

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  45. My Father was a man. He was not a billionaire or a genius or a celebrity, he was a man of integrity and honour. He lived his beliefs and because of that he touched everyone he met. He never understood why people liked him. He did not judge based on race, creed or colour. He judged people by their actions. He fought for those less fortunate and on many occasions he put his job on the line for a principle. He respected people and in turn he was respected. His table was always welcoming and his heart was always compassionate. He loved well and he never taught me to hate. He fought in a war and never hated the enemy. “They were just as scared as we were.” My Father was a man.

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  46. Most times when this topic has been discussed, it has been more female responses than male. That saddens me because it leads me to believe that many men don’t know who they are. We have a plethora of quotes and ideas from greats such as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. describing the measure of a man, but how many live to this standard….or truly hold to their own in a positive and productive way? I’m hoping to see more comments here from the male perspective. I what to know what it is to be a man from a man. I applaud your tackling this topic and thank you for being a shining example of a man.

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  47. To be a man (or a woman) is to acknowledge the fact that he is no more perfect than the next person who shares the same air he’s breathing. To practice the teachings of his faith to be kind, respectful and tolerant towards one another. To be a man is not to abuse his right to liberty by sacrificing that of another.

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  48. I had read your beautiful post ‘ about attraction…’ once before, but after listening to your sincere and caring voice within this forum, I had to rush right over and read it again. For you to even think of me in the same breath of such a honorable group of men, literally touched my soul. Thank you for being such a special part of The Neighborhood. You are appreciated so very much.

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  49. there are so many pockets of terrible atrocities in this world, thank you for bringing my attention to this horrific experience, that this man was pushed to such extremes, that his family are left with this trauma, its all awful, the world saddens me and the people in it having to fight daily against those in power i think there is far more in this than just a definition of what it means to be a man, the very important issue of what it means to be human should be discussed and those found failing should be striped of power in the very least, this won’t happen i know but until it does the whole cesspool of inhumanity will continue to fester, i can only hope this mans final actions made someone sit up and take notice and that something was done

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    • Tunisia ousted its President, the government was overthrown in Libya and the rest of the Arab World dealt with revolutions of varying degrees. Yes, he made a difference with his life. Where he was ignored in life, he is celebrated in death. Thank you for adding your voice and so good to have you in The Neighborhood.

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      • thank you for replying so quick i do appreciate it i am glad his actions awakened such a response it should never have had to be that way but he paid the ultimate price and i am glad of its consequences not just for his sake but for all those who suffered under such a regime,
        i admit i am not up to date at all with any world affairs i make no excuses i appreciate your voice speaking up though and i am glad to be in The Neighbourhood thank you for letting be one small part in this conversation, my last small statement i would like to add is that i feel for the men of today’s world, the whole concept of what it means to be a man has become muddied over the recent ‘advances’? progressions? of the human race, our ability to embrace the modern world with all technological advantages left behind a complicated and confused mixture of ideas of not only what it meant to be a man but also what it meant to be a woman also, i feel we have all left ourselves with a new adventure; finding the concept of what it means to be a human not governed by gender only by what it means to be an individual in today’s world,
        and with that i shall go now and feed my hungry children glad that i can feed them which in today’s world is no small thing,
        glad we met and glad to call you a friend i hope you have a lovely day or at least a peaceful one take care x

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  50. I admire your choice of topic. Because it’s so important. I do think the question “What does it mean to be a man” should come higher up in the elections worldwide.
    I wished the leaders all over the world, the terrorists, the rapist, the burglars, the men who doesn’t have a job, the men living on the street, the men hitting and spitting at others aked this question: “What does it mean to be a man?”.
    In my opinion, it doens’t mean a to be a lion. it doesn’t mean to be the most handsome or most rich person. It doesn’t mean to hit or spit or trying to be the star.

    If you ever get time to read – I wrote a post about what I think of being a man – it defines my thoughts
    http://panicyesterday.wordpress.com/2013/12/24/about-attraction-love-and-charisma-from-my-point-of-view/

    And I know you that you will not misunderstand me when I say that, I would like to add you on that dinner list – because of the integrity, the wisdom,friendship and neverending community your blog gives to your readers.

    Like

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