The Comedy Show feat. Ned Hickson

 

The Comedy Show
developed by Kendall F. Person


Starring

comedyphotoshoot
The Comedians


Jess Clackum
Jean Marc Toledano
Rich Green
and 
Ned Hickson

Set Design by
Art. Paper. Scissors. Glue!

House Band
Mickey Roarr –  Scarface Martin

story by Kendall F. Person

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Backstage
Rich Green

He was already numb, so when he heard the click it did little to calm nerves that were so frayed, he was not sure how he could go on. But Rich Green had drawn the shortest straw, passing the first sadistic hurdle in flying colors, he must now calm himself enough to pass another. Refusing to make eye contact with the others, Rich stood up from his silver and black chair, wiped the sweat from his brow, took a sip of water and prepared to wow the crowd.

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Main Stage

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Backstage
Ned Hickson

He could hear the audience laughing, he could feel his heart beating, and he could see the lazy-susan spinning and watched through blurred vision as the barrel end of the .357 Magnum stopped and was now pointing at him. Ned Hickson’s comedy career was on the rise. He held onto a loyal following, who howled in delight at everything he said as if he were distributing laughing gas. But with promises of instant stardom, and the allure of cold hard cash, he would ignore the downside of losing, but with the gun now in his hand, he could ignore the downside no longer.

The click would startle him more than it did the others. He heard the applause coming from the main stage and would see contestant number one return to the table. Taking a deep, hard breath, he would also say a little prayer, and as he walked toward the main stage,  the curtain would be raised.

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Ned Hickson

Laws of physics don’t apply to our families laundry baskets

In an attempt to explain the volume of laundry that accumulates from our four children on a daily basis, I sorted the laundry, totaled the number of garments and divided it by four. According to my calculations they are changing their clothes every 18 minutes. This includes through the night, when they apparently take turns changing EACH OTHER while sleeping in shifts. This would explain how they can have a closet full of clothes at bedtime, then wake up and have nothing to wear.

Also, judging from their pants’ knees, our children spend most of the day on their hands and knees trapping moles. As a result, I considered getting ahead of the curve by purchasing new pants, and then immediately cutting the knees out — effectively eliminating 90 percent of the grass stains from our laundry.

I eventually decided on a “responsibility checklist” for each of our children to encourage them to take care of their clothes. Naturally, there is a reward system involved for completing this checklist each day, such as reward option 1) Not having to go to school naked.

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Backstage
Jess Clackum

 

She was the only one of the four who was not sweating her turn at the gun. She was born under a lucky star, wore a rabbit’s foot around her neck and threw salt crystals over her back to assure that she would remain safe. She would enter the competition for no other reason than she knew that she would win. She had hit the daily double on her way over and made it inside the building, before it started to rain. Jess Clackum was one lucky woman. She made no flinch when she heard the click of the gun, but her heart would pain for her competitors, for she knew she already had it won.

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Jess Clackum
I was just in my office minding my own business.

Student: “Hey…uh…can you tell me what classes are being held in this building? I can’t remember where my class is.”
Me: “What?” (I know this shouldn’t shock me but it does.)
Student:  “I’m not sure but I know it’s in this building somewhere.”
Me: “That’s nice. Now do you know what class?
Student: “No.”
Me: “Wait wait wait….you left for campus with not only no clue as to where your class is but no clue as to what class you were going to?”
Student: “I got up late, went to a rave. Hey I know it’s in this building. Does it help if I tell you I’m a Liberal Arts major?”
Me: “Uh…no.” (I held my tongue.)
Student: “Well can you look up a building schedule for me and tell me where it is?”
Me: “Now, how  am I supposed to tell you where it is if neither one of us have any idea what you’re taking?”
Student: “Can you look up my schedule?”
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Backstage
Jean Marc Toledano

Jean Marc Toledano had no idea where he was. He was an exchange student from France, practicing stand up comedy on the side. After one show in particular, he was approached by two strange men, both wearing black coats. They flashed a wad of money and promised him there would be more. But Jean Marc held no interest in playing their ridiculous game, but when he turned to walk away, he would be broadsided with a right hook, knocking him unconscious.
Awakening bound and gagged, and still weary from the bump on his head, he assumed he was dreaming and thought he would awaken any moment now, definitely before he pulled the trigger. The click of the gun would barely register in his mind. Instead, his complete concentration was waking up from this nightmare – that – and making the crowd roar in delight.


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Jean Marc knew he was in trouble. The rules were very specific, one minute on the open mic and he had gone nearly three. While there were laughs, he knew that none of it mattered since it was all a dream and that he would wake up very soon. But when he returned backstage to the dimly lit room, each of the other contestants were staring at him, and one of the hooded men was filling the chamber of the already loaded gun, leaving only one chance to be spared, to win the prize and perhaps to perform again.
The hooded man pulled out a bundle of cash. After sitting it atop the lazy-susan, he announced that, “Whoever survives can take the stash.” No one screamed for they knew their cries were futile. That had made a deal with the devil and now the devil demanded his due. So around and around the gun was spent. Only one person would survive, saving their life and savoring the spotlight, which was the reason why they had entered.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang.
Click.
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Rich Green
I have a great relationship with my dog.
I scratch his back and he prepares my income tax.
It’s amazing that I ever made it thru kindergarten.
I could barely see over the dashboard when I drove to school.
I never believed in life after death until I started dating.
If I had my life to live over, I’d wear larger underwear.
I bought my dog a pen & pencil set for Christmas.
Now he’s writing love letters to my wife.
My father was an old-fashioned provider. He hunted with a bow & arrow.
There was never a problem until he came to the canned-good section in the
supermarket.
My mother worked for the C.I.A. My father worked for the F.B.I.
I made a fortune selling government secrets back and forth
.
In 1965 Larry Peddlefee settled a millennia old controversy when he proved
that the Earth DOES have a moon circling it. He did this by looking into the
sky and pointing directly at it.Ellen Parker, who has been hearing voices in her head for 50 years, was
recently evicted from her apartment after neighbors complained that the
voices were getting too loud and disturbing the peace.
*special thanks to our guests comedians Rich Green, Jess Clackum, Jean Marc Toledano & Ned Hickson

**a shout to The Neighborhood house band Scarface Martin

And from The Neighborhood…..we wish you all good luck and good night. 

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