“I just let the pain take over,
allowing it to numb the pain
of being left behind.” – Jessica Sorensen,
The Coincidence of Callie & Katie
If I Die Young
by The Band Perry
CUTTING by Erin Farris
edited by Rebecca Lemke
So, not a lot of people know this about me. In fact, probably only like 3. And if any family sees this, I hope they understand it’s in my past and I have moved on. But I used to self harm. I was always pretty discreet, of course you don’t want people to know you do something like that. I had several friends who also cut themselves. For me it wasn’t a, “my friends do it so I want to” kind of thing. I was a very moody/depressed teen. I didn’t see the few friends I had very often, and I had a brother who made it his mission to tell me how ugly I was, how fat I was, that no one liked me, and be as rude as possible without my mom seeing/hearing him.
Hearing things like that from a family member, especially being a young girl, that really messes with your self worth and respect. We were also homeschooled, so I had no escape. Music, writing poetry, a few best friends, and eventually cutting myself, became my escape. There are multiple reasons people self harm, for me, I felt so bad on the inside, I wanted to feel something on the outside too. I never went deep enough to leave scars, but there was definitely pain. I stopped when I saw a friend that I cared for and loved deeply, really hurting his body and leaving big scars. The pain I thought I needed to feel wasn’t worth making someone I loved, and who loved me, feel like I felt when I saw my friend’s arms.
There are so many better ways to deal with emotions than hurting yourself!
Write a song or a poem.
Start working out.
Go for walks.
Read a book, or write one!
Build something, like a birdhouse, or a Lego castle full of unicorns!
Find something. Make it yours. Do whatever you need to do (within limits) to make yourself happy and get yourself out of that hole. Talk to someone. Go to therapy if you think that would help. Do something. But don’t let yourself become a statistic.
You are not alone!
You are important!
You are loved!
You have a purpose!
And you are wanted!
Also, IT DOES GET BETTER!!!
Fast forward several years and here I am, 22, married to my absolute best friend in the world, where I get to be a stay at home mom and raise our 2 year old daughter. Back then, I never would have pictured my life as it is now, I just couldn’t see it getting better. But I promise you, it does! (Oh, and things with my brother are great now, we live 3 blocks from each other and he’s a great uncle!)
I saw a quote once and it has stuck with me ever since.
“Suicide does not end the chances of life getting worse, suicide eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better.”
this is…. The Neighborhood
created by Kendall F. Person