“An excuse is the most expensive brand
of self defeat you will ever purchase.”
― Johnnie Dent Jr.
The 5 Reasons
of How We Defeat Ourselves
by Kendall F. Person
5. Always the Victim
When Monica Seles was stabbed in the back, while playing a championship match on a sold out center court – and not by her own – but her opponent’s stalker, it is plain to see why it took her two years to recover. But more importantly, she played absolutely no role in what would become her swan song as the world’s greatest. And while there exist times in our lives, where we have no control, we cannot sum up those times into the whole of our lives.
When disappointments arrive, and they always will, the first person we should look at, is the man in the mirror. Blame emits from angry emotion, while self-inventory comes from the cleansing of the mind, allowing us to move forward, while blame just leaves us mad. So the next time we fall down, let us first check to assure our shoes are tied, before attaching blame to whomever tripped us, even though we know, there was no one around.
4. Refusing to Change
I knew the answer, but I asked more for confirmation, when I queried my 16-year-old Nephew, if he knew of a world without smartphones or the internet. The “No.” was expected, but the strange look on his face was not. He belongs to Generation Y also known as the Millennials. He was born into a techno-savvy world, all his friends have phones and all his schools have wifi, so to him, I must have sounded like a caveman. a world without smartphones, come on Uncle, he must have thought.
The world evolves. We can either take charge of the evolution or be a part in accepting change or we can stand our ground and remain defiant, about doing things the way we always have (even though the result has been the same) but it makes no difference, because the world evolves either way.
3. Pretending We Know Everything
My 12th grade physics teacher, Ms. Chilcott, also taught geometry, chemistry, Algebra II and Calculus all in the same day. One morning, she passed back our test papers, and we noticed the red ink, that she had corrected the English errors made. She was a pilot and a scholar and knew each and everyone one of her students, and not just by name. So amazed where we, we asked her a serious question: Is there anything you don’t know? Her response, “Even I, am still learning.”
Each action has a reaction, sometimes good sometimes not, and it is those ‘nots’ that feed into our narcissistic thinking. We may sneak out, an hour early from work, 100 straights days and never get caught. But think about the chain reaction, when we roll the dice and on that 101st try, it finally lands on craps. We lose our job, our marriages or relationships become strained, are bills are overdue and our kids feel it too, and all because we thought of no one but ourselves.
If the real life story exists, I have not heard it, where one man or one woman has lived and prospered and traveled and raised a family and made their contribution, all by themselves. To believe, our wants and desires are more important than everyone and everything, is a destructive trait that benefits no one, not even the person at the center of self, because sooner or later, we find ourselves living in a lonely world.
The sounds of the city echo through our ears. The constant barking of the dog keeps us up all night. We hear a few words, whispered in the cubicle next to ours, and since we missed a play or two, we watch the Golden State Warriors defeat the Cavaliers, even though the outcome has been determined. But when the phone rings, we are so preoccupied listening to the noises around us, we failed to listen when opportunity knocked. And the caller we rushed off the line, was the person your cousin told you about, the one that could help you in locating an option, to finally buy your family a house.
Opportunity – sometimes – is delivered on a silver platter, but even then, we find ways to sabotage our own success and free ourselves of guilt, by blaming it on someone else (back to start). But most people who get ahead or achieve their goals or live their dreams out loud, have their eyes locked in on the prize and they will run, then dive to catch it, before the window of opportunity closes, leaving us without an exit.
this is… The Neighborhood
It only works if we believe,
Release Your Butterfly